Friendships are meant to support, and make you laugh until your stomach hurts. But sometimes, it can be the complete opposite Have you ever felt drained, ignored, or like your feelings don’t matter? If the answer is yes or possibly, you may be dealing with a narcissistic friend. Here’s how I recognize the signs and hope this will help in protecting your own well-being.
First, I’d like to mention that narcissism is a cluster of behaviors and that having some of these doesn’t necessarily make someone a narcissist, but some people can have some of these characteristics which can negatively affect some friendships.
Over the years, I’ve noticed a pattern of signs in narcissist people and here are some to look out for:
- They always seek attention
- Conversations always end up circling back to them instead of the topic at hand
- They get jealous of your other friendships
If you notice a constant pattern after hanging out of feeling drained, anxious, disrespected, manipulated and feeling like the friendship brings more stress than joy, then it is time to step aside or redefining the relationship on your own terms. If you choose to stay connected, there are ways to do it:
- Set clear boundaries on your time and emotional energy
- Stick to only group hangouts rather than one on one hangouts
- Be very careful with what personal stories you share with them as they may use it against you
Even when you try to redefine a relationship, sometimes it simply doesn’t work out, and cutting ties becomes the healthiest option. That decision is never easy, especially at a small school like Skidmore, where it’s so easy to run into people you cannot stand. Adding on to that, your shared history, mutual friends, and all the memories can make you second-guess yourself. Narcissistic people often have a way of being charming, funny, or generous, which can make you feel conflicted about walking away. On top of that, looking at old social media posts or old photos can spark nostalgia and tempt you to dwell on what “could have been.” And when you see them in passing—whether on campus, at a party, or in a dining hall—it’s normal to feel a flood of mixed emotions. In those moments, it helps to have a neutral response prepared so you don’t get drawn into old dynamics, to ground yourself by taking a breath and remembering that feelings are temporary. You can always choose to limit engagement and walk away if needed, and leaning on friends or doing something you love afterward. Most importantly, keeping in mind the reasons you stepped away will remind you why letting go is the best choice for your well-being.
What can make this even harder is when your mutual friends don’t experience the same behavior you do. Narcissists often treat people differently depending on what they want from them, which can leave you questioning yourself and wondering if you’re overreacting. Sometimes, it can feel isolating to see your closest friends dismiss your concerns or stay close with the person who hurt you. That lack of support can sting just as much as the toxic friendship itself, but it’s important to remember that your experience is still real and valid, even if others don’t share it.
Even if you manage to let go, it’s not uncommon for narcissistic friends to try and reconnect. When this happens, it’s important to stay firm in your boundaries and avoid being swayed by dramatic displays of emotion, such a fake crying. Recognizing deflection, gaslighting, or victim-playing for what it is can help you resist getting pulled back in, and reminding yourself why distance was necessary in the first place will keep you grounded.
All of this can take a toll. Friendships with narcissists often feel like constantly giving while getting very little in return. You may find yourself erasing your own feelings to accommodate theirs, losing confidence, or feeling like you’re on high alert around them. They often display entitlement, lack empathy, and struggle to recognize your needs, all while expecting perfection from you. But recognizing these patterns allows you to prioritize your well-being and step away before emotional exhaustion sets in.
If you’re struggling with a friendship that feels manipulative or emotionally draining, consider reaching out to professional resources like the Skidmore Counseling Center. You deserve to feel safe, valued, and supported in your relationships.