The sphere of the internet has no shortage of relationship advice, but more often than not, the concept of friendship is unduly skipped over. Or at least not given the justice it deserves, in my opinion. Our childhood friends are the first people we ever choose to let into our lives, and they almost inadvertently shape us into who we become. They give us some of our best childhood memories, our first sense of community, and in some cases, they become our unofficial family, or even our first loves and heartbreaks.
College makes friendship much more complicated. With some exceptions, many of us have grown up surrounded by an insular mix of social culture, demographics, and popular values and ideologies. Even in the biggest cities, there is always a sense of togetherness and familiarity you get from your hometown. Our childhood and hometown friends often share the world we became accustomed to during our formative years. When you get to college, especially at a small school like Skidmore, making friends can feel challenging, confusing, and disorienting. That sense of disconnect, compounded by homesickness, can feel overwhelmingly lonely at first.
All that being said, I promise: no matter how far you are into college, this feeling does not last. Even our most intense, thought-deafening feelings become fleeting with time. And especially with friendship: it is never too late to find your people. Even if not on the timeline you planned, you will get there. Here are a few thoughts on how to make friendship feel less daunting, whether Skidmore is brand new to you or just still feels unfamiliar and discouraging:
Don’t Push Yourself Too Hard
Put yourself out there, but not at the cost of your own well-being. You will inevitably feel a bit out of your comfort zone when you go somewhere new. But don’t panic and become untrue to yourself just for the sake of meeting as many people as possible. If you feel overwhelmed, it is okay to take a couple of hours for yourself, call a friend or family member, or spend time with someone you already feel comfortable with. It can be exciting to meet so many new people, but I promise: they’ll still be on campus tomorrow. Take a beat if you need one.
Join Clubs!!!
I cannot emphasize this enough, especially if you are feeling lost and unsure where to start. The best way to find the right people for you is often by starting with yourself and your own interests. There are so many clubs on campus, and while there may be some trial and error in finding the right one, eventually one will stick. Clubs also give you an outlet—a hobby you can turn to for recharging from the endless cycle of classes and studying.
Be Consistent
No one likes to be rejected, it’s one of the most gut-wrenching, icky feelings there is. But try not to take it personally. Everyone else is just as confused (regardless of class year, tbh). Most of the time, if someone seems off, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from pursuing a friendship. If you think someone is cool and want to hang out, tell them! Even if you get a few misses or unanswered texts, remind yourself that rejection is redirection. With consistency, you’ll eventually get some wins. And within this, be open and patient with the people reaching out to you. With proper boundaries, experimentation and consistency are rarely wasted.
Practice Patience and Self-Care
Most of all, remember who you are and what makes you happy. Entering a new social setting can be overwhelming, and it’s easy to get consumed by it. An influx of new people often breeds a sense of frenzy and the pressure to meet your life-long friends on the first night. But that feeling is fiction. Meeting the right people for you will take time. It is crucial to check in with yourself and make sure your needs are met before focusing on your social image. You can only be at your best if you feel healthy, stable, and cared for. Eventually, if you remain patient and kind to yourself, you’ll find people who will care for you too.