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As Valentine’s Day nears and stores are loaded with stuffed teddy bears, chocolate hearts and red roses, it becomes effortless to be engulfed with the feeling of loneliness, hopelessness and fear. A common human experience is seeking for others to love us in order to validate the parts of ourselves that we feel are unworthy of the display. It is instinctual to seek our other halves, before being whole ourselves. If we do not uplift ourselves before participating in a relationship, it can become so effortless to lose what makes us extraordinarily unique. 

Learning the in’s and out’s of your character will open up new doors for self-discovery and will create stability within yourself that a relationship likely lacks. Let’s face it, relationships are never flawless and can be extremely turbulent. Within this commotion comes uncertainty and confusion, which lead to unpredictability. By ensuring that the relationship you have with yourself consistently holds values, you will cherish the emotions that come with a romantic relationship with someone while also making them much more digestible. 

Self-discovery and self-love go hand in hand. If you explore your principles and flaws, you will go into the relationship comprehending what you need from the other person. The confidence that follows self-love will allow you to voice your necessities to your partner and in doing this, you are aiding them as well. Being assertive enough to communicate your necessities makes it much easier for someone else to love you and care for you properly.  Often we simply expect our partner to notice what we dislike and what we like, but how can we expect this if we do not fully know yet ourselves? Worse, how do we expect this if we are not confident enough to voice a concept as simple as our standards?

Along with this, if we do not love ourselves enough to find our interests outside of a relationship, all of our time and energy will be dedicated to something that is not as infinite as self-love. Although it is difficult to imagine, most elements in life are temporary. Without self-respect, it becomes uncomplicated and sometimes voluntary to give up our delights or enjoyments for others. This bridges the association between a lack of a positive relationship with oneself and losing oneself in a relationship. Having a partner can be incredibly abundant when both people admire who they personally are outside of the partnership. 

 Self-love is more than skin deep, how we perceive ourselves physically is significant in one’s journey as well. Going into a relationship in order to find someone who appreciates the parts of ourselves that we dislike is temporary satisfaction. Those fragments of our persona will always be present, even when a partner is not. Learning to appreciate our physical and emotional flaws is the epitome of self-love. If we are only filled with confidence when we are love-bombed, do we hide from our weaknesses and insecurities otherwise? 

This Valentine’s day season, dodge Cupid’s arrow if you lack admiration for your uniqueness, quirks and eccentrics. A lasting connection with yourself is enough to achieve contentment. 

Tag us @hercampusjsu and show us how you like to practice self-love!

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Brea Baro

SJSU '25

My name is Brea and I'm a writer for Her Campus SJSU. I'm currently a Public Health Major with plans to go to nursing school in the coming years. The unity this community creates is incredible, and has brought together all of our interests into one place. Excited to keep reading!
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