During my early high school years, I internalized the belief that femininity was something to avoid. Society and the media often portrayed girls who embraced masculine traits as more interesting, independent, and worthy of admiration, while traditionally feminine women were dismissed as shallow or superficial.
Wanting to align myself with the former, I convinced myself that I preferred oversized sweatpants to skirts, that makeup was pointless, and that sports were inherently more valuable than fashion. I adopted these views not because they reflected my true preferences but because I had been conditioned to believe that rejecting femininity made me superior.
Upon reflection, I realized that these beliefs were not my own but rather the product of societal narratives that devalued femininity. The media frequently reinforces this message through the “cool girl” archetype—female protagonists who distance themselves from traditional femininity, positioning themselves as exceptional by being “not like the other girls.” These characters are often rewarded with admiration and romantic validation, while their feminine counterparts are portrayed as antagonists, defined by vanity and pettiness.
Beyond fiction, the real world perpetuates similar biases. Expressions of femininity, such as wearing makeup or favoring pink, are often met with condescension. Statements like “I don’t understand why girls wear makeup” or “Pink is too childish” reflect a broader cultural dislike for traditionally feminine interests.
What escalated this issue was that this negativity did not solely come from men but also from women who distanced themselves from femininity in an attempt to gain social validation. Many young women, myself included, fell into the trap of believing that rejecting femininity was a means of empowerment.
I remember looking down on classmates who wore dresses or meticulously styled their hair, convincing myself that I was somehow more authentic or intelligent for not doing the same. Yet, despite adopting this mindset, I never felt entirely comfortable in it. There was always a sense of detachment, a lingering feeling that I was suppressing aspects of myself rather than embracing a natural identity.
As I matured, I began to recognize the contradiction in my thinking. Why should femininity and empowerment be seen as opposing forces? Over time, I acknowledged that the traits and interests I had once dismissed were, in fact, built into my identity. My childhood love for pink, makeup, and fashion had not disappeared—I had simply denied it out of fear of being perceived as less capable or less serious. When I finally allowed myself to embrace these aspects without guilt or hesitation, I felt more confident and secure in my own skin than ever before.
Reclaiming my femininity has been a deeply personal and empowering journey. It has taught me that strength and intelligence are not defined by one’s outward expression but by authenticity and self-acceptance. Women should not have to reject femininity to be taken seriously, nor should they feel the need to conform to outdated stereotypes to gain respect. True empowerment lies in embracing who we are without apology.
Today, I proudly wear pink, accessorize with bows, and apply my favorite makeup—not to conform to societal expectations but because these things genuinely bring me joy. Femininity is not a weakness, nor does it diminish one’s strength or intellect. By unlearning the biases ingrained in us, we can move toward a society that values individuals for their authenticity rather than how closely they fit outdated molds.
How did your journey in embracing your true identity unfold? Share your story with us @HerCampusSJSU—we’d love to hear about your experiences!