I started my freshman year attending the same college with my high school boyfriend. Looking back, I wish someone had given me some advice on how to be in a relationship in college without missing out on “the college experience”.
To be completely honest, the best piece of advice I can give about being in a relationship during college is to not be in one. Trust me, I know how pessimistic it sounds.
I know that I’m not the only one who has said “I love you” to their high school sweetheart and thought that you would feel that way forever. But I promise you, it’s not in your best interest to be in a serious relationship in college, especially not at the very beginning. Without a doubt, one of the following things will happen:
- You will be cheated on.
- You will be a cheater.
- You will struggle to make it work for the four years, only to break up right after college because the two of you “don’t want the same thing” or something along the lines of that.
- You will somehow perfectly balance school, work, social life and your relationship. After school, you’ll move in together, and eventually, you’ll get engaged in your late twenties. Everyone will envy your Instagram and the “perfect couple”. Right before the wedding, each of you will voice your doubts about going through with it to a friend, mentioning “problems in the bedroom”, but end up going through with the wedding anyway. The two of you stay together forever, and you have a picture-perfect marriage. Nonetheless, you spend every second daydreaming about running away with your yoga instructor.
As someone whose freshman year included the end of a long term relationship and the period that came after where I had tons of fun, I would say: leave it. You owe it to yourself to enjoy the one period of your life where it’s okay to be selfish. Now is the time where it’s good to make mistakes and learn from them. This is how you figure out what you want.
In my opinion, the most important part of going off to college is having the opportunity to experiment. While staying inside and watching Netflix with your significant other may seem appealing, you’ll regret it when someone from your communication class tells you a funny story with a dozen names you don’t recognize but feel like you should. Then they proceed to ask you what you’ve been doing lately cause they “never see you out”, and you realize that it’s cause you never go out.
The point is: you do you.
After all, you’re only what? 18? 19? Whether it’s intentionally or unintentionally, you’ll find yourself molding into the person you’re in a relationship with, and there’s nothing worse than realizing that you’ve wasted these precious years of your life on someone else.
Realistically, in most high school and college relationships, you’ll find yourselves outgrowing each other because that’s what happens when you form a relationship before allowing your personality to fully form.
At the end of the day, the beautiful thing is that it’s completely up to you. Follow your heart and do whatever you think is best for you! It’s your choice! Personally, I don’t want to date in college and then accidentally fall in love before I’m like thirty because I’ve got so much living to do on my own first.