Since the announcement, I was here for the Gossip Girl reboot. I knew the reboot was not going to be exactly like the original, but I thought I’d give it a watch anyways. I figured it would be a brand new group of kids in the same old Constance halls we’ve come to love and couldn’t wait for a whole new set of scandals for Gossip Girl to expose. However, I was very wrong. So strap in while I dissect this unamusing roller coaster of the first episode.
First off, eight main characters, are you kidding me? How am I expected to remember eight characters’ names in just one episode? It’s too much. I see a lot of chaos ahead for this show with there being a seven person friend group and then one rogue character (Zoya). And that’s not even counting Gossip Girl a.k.a the weird perverted teacher squad. Overall, the characters were unlikeable and unrelatable. The only characters that made an impression on me were Julien, Otto, Audrey, and Zoya, but overall there is no one you automatically fall in love with. Furthermore, the consistent embarkment of characters and their minor storylines left no real connection or interest into their future. The main contrast with the characters compared to the original series is that there was no I wanted to be or have as a piece of arm candy.
I certainly have so much to say about the so-called “Gossip Girl” that absolutely ruined Dan’s legacy! Ruined might even be too nice of a word. Let’s go with more like murdered it. I would quite frankly prefer if Georgiana came back and became Gossip Girl again. It is completely mind-blowingly boring that they revealed Gossip Girl not even half way into the first episode. The main question I have for this show is, why on earth do you think a bunch of sad 30 year old losers harassing teenagers would be interesting to watch? Everything about that storyline made me want to vomit. We all know Gossip Girl is generally unethical, but to have a group of teachers cyberbullying their students is criminal. Literally in the first episode they had a TEACHER take and distribute inappropriate photos of students. We all like a good scandal, but when it comes from a normal source not if it’s done by a pedophile version of TMZ. No one watches gossip girl to see a bunch of sad 30 year old’s whine about how gen z treats them like losers.
Also, the whole idea they’re putting forth that teenagers will behave when Gossip Girl is on the prowl is so idiotical. In the original, the students were suck ups to the teachers first and then if things went wrong they planned their dismissal. Gossip Girl was never some babysitter who kept the students under control, but held them accountable for their actions. This storyline should have been the first one taken away from the writers board if the writers even understood what the original Gossip Girl was about.
Yet the biggest issue I have with the reboot is where are the looks? The original Gossip Girl produced so many iconic fits, but the reboot produced only one outfit that I would actually wear, which was just Aubrey’s black dress that is just a last season House Of CB dress. But most importantly, all I want to know is where are all the Prada re-edition nylon bags and himbos?