I have a genuine question, one that I have wondered since I first heard someone mention the friendzone. What is so bad about it?
Maybe it has to do with growing up, and how I always wanted to make friends with everyone I saw. But I have never once complained about being in the friendzone. Even when I did have a crush on a boy and he would tell me he saw me as just a friend, I would do the unthinkable. Move on. It wasn’t his fault he just saw me as a friend, and I understood. I’m an awesome friend! But that is not the point.
Whenever people (okay men) complain about the friend zone, they always put it in such a bad light. As they wipe the Cheetos from their fingers they moan and lament the fact that, “OH, she JUST wants to be FRIENDS,” which is a silly concept. Clearly if you are interested in her romantically, that means that there is a connection there (or you’re just crazy, but I’m aiming for the former here). By laying down that line of connection, that FRIENDSHIP, you are able to be around the person you have a sort of bond with. When you have a bond or a friendship you are able to be around that person, laugh with that person and just enjoy each other’s company. Which sounds (and is) awesome.
So, here is where we reach the problem people (okay men) see with the friend zone. Once a man feels like he has given enough to the girl he expects something back. So – he may pick up a check, or maybe listen to her problems. For some reason that makes him entitled to her. This makes her indebted to him, and now the next time they hang out she owes him something. It is this idea that immediately makes the friendzone toxic. It is the idea that because you are nice to someone that they get something from you. This behavior is possessive and unhealthy to those who practice it and to those who fall prey to it. Not only does this ruin good friendships, but it also puts up guards on both ends. It makes girls weary of having male friends – as she doesn’t want to ‘lead anyone on’. It makes guys incapable of properly displaying human emotions that aren’t; SEX or sad. This idea that friendship is a bad thing, or that you are stuck in it, can only hurt society in the end.
We need to place value in healthy friendships once again.