The Right Words to Say

I’ve re-written this 

A hundred times before

But I just can’t find the right words to say

The right words to tell you

Please take this 

And think

Put yourself in my shoes before you respond

You’ve asked before

And I’m sorry that I lied,

But you weren’t supposed to ask

I wasn’t ready then 

I’m not ready now

I’m scared of what you will say 

What you will think

But

It's how I feel, I can’t change it,

I’m sorry.

As I write these words they still don’t feel right

I know they never will.

And as my pen glides along this paper

And I scratch out the words that don’t seem right

I picture your face in my head 

The disappointment  

The confusion

A chance you could never look at me the same way

A chance you could never love me the same way

Will you avoid me?

Lie to your friends about me?

Would you abandon me altogether?

Or worse,

Would tell me that you are disappointed in me?

If I could change it I would,

But I can’t 

And I can’t find the right words to say.