Letting Go

Trying to leave the past in the past, is a very difficult task, to put it simply. It doesn’t matter whether you’re trying to get over a significant other, a lost friendship or even a broken relationship with a family member; the hurt is still the same. This summer is when I realized just how hard it truly is to let go of someone. For me, my situation involves a young woman whom I looked up to like a sister. By no means was she blood related to me. She was merely just a friend of the family, but blood or not, she was still my sister.

I loved her with everything in me and she had been there for me in my best and worst times. She was there for pivotal moments in my life like when I got my driver's license, when I went to prom and when I graduated high school. She was also there for me during my darkest moments in life, like when I was struggling with insecurities, having major issues with friends, and when my father died. Just one year ago this person whom I loved, cared for and trusted with all my heart decided that our ten-year relationship no longer mattered. The time I spent breaking down all the walls I usually have around myself just for her, resulted to us no longer speaking.

 The hours I spent pouring my heart out to her, telling her things I haven’t even told my mother; gone with one swift argument. I never would’ve imagined that she wouldn’t be in my life today, and I never wanted things to end the way it did. Even though it’s obvious she wasn’t meant to be in my life for long, it’s still heartbreaking to think about how she is no longer someone I can run to for comfort. I can no longer call her up and spill my guts to her. I can no longer go to her house for movie nights or go out on shopping sprees. She let me go with so much ease. So, why has it been so hard for me to do the same?

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One reason I know for a fact is because, sadly, she lives in the same city as I do. Where I’m from, it is not hard at all to run into people you know at any time or place. The situation is even more difficult for me because I currently work at a grocery store where she shops frequently, and so I got to see her more times than I would’ve liked this summer. How am I expected to get over the past when the past keeps literally popping up in my life? How do I let go of someone who still has so much unwanted presence in my life?

To me, it’s not fair. It’s not fair that I must be reminded of the heartbreak, the confusion and the anger of that time we argued. All I’ve been wanting to do since that very moment was forget about it and her, but I can’t. Sometimes I just really wish life was like the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I wish I could be like the main protagonist, Joel (played by Jim Carey), and go see a specialist who could erase all the painful and no longer wanted memories I have of her.

Sadly, this movie is pure fiction because nothing in life is as easy as going to someone to erase all your problems. Life is filled with people and things you are going to like and dislike. It’s filled with uncomfortable and awkward situations. Life is filled with both joy and pain. My eyes were truly opened to these facts this summer. 

I learned this summer that it is okay to reminisce and to long for the past. It’s okay to miss someone even if there’s bad blood. It’s okay to cry over them and think about them frequently even if it’s been a while since everything happened. I’ve learned that no matter how hard I try to avoid the situation, try to forget about it or be numb to it; letting go of anyone or anything is going to take some time. It doesn’t happen overnight or even over a years' time. Sometimes letting go will take you your entire life. All that truly matters is that you’re at least trying. Trying is honestly the best and only thing you can do.

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