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I’m Just Trying to Exist. You’re Just Trying to Exist. We’re All Just Trying to Exist.

I’m wanting to start a kind of personal life insight, but how much do I actually want to share? What is even worth sharing? Maybe it’ll be good to just tell my existence. Good or bad, smart or dumb choices. Right now, I’m in a period of self-growth. About two weeks ago I realized I had been in a HUGE depressive episode, lasting about 6 years, give or take. No, I won’t be trauma dumping today, but hey, you’re the one who clicked on my post. When I hit this realization, I decided to do a massive overhaul of my life. I mean, I literally just woke up and said, “Oh my god. What have I been doing?” I want to let all of you know, this is in NO way a brag series, but instead an honest telling of someone pulling themselves out of a depression. This is a series I’ve been wanting to do for a while, and I will be trying to stick to it. So, let’s jump in.

This week started off a little harder than others. I went to work on Monday morning only to realize I would be the only server at the restaurant that morning and to make it worse, it was President’s Day. OF COURSE, it was President’s Day; why would a Monday try to be easy on me for once? My back and feet ached, but you know what? I made a decent amount of money that morning. Was it enough to make up for the nerve damage? No, but I’m trying not to think about it. The week was pretty normal in regard to my personal routine, but - oh my god – the state of the world really made me question a lot of things. Texas is rapidly slipping into fascism. Our governor has basically begun the process of a witch-hunt on trans children and their parents. And then there are the monstrosities that are happening in Ukraine and being broadcasted on every single social media platform. It’s horrible to even have to watch it, but to live it, I’m sure, is terrifying. I can’t even begin to fathom how scared these people are right now, and just standing by, not being able to do anything, has certainly started to weigh on me and my mental health. Despite all of this, I still managed to pull myself together and get everything done, and really put my effort into it.

Was this week monumental in my personal life? No, in fact – it was a little boring, but that doesn’t make it any less important than any other week. Just because nothing crazy happened to me, doesn’t mean that the world isn’t going to keep going on. I think that’s why I want to start writing a little summary every week, I guess a little diary entry. I know things are dark right now, but a way to get through it is by communicating with one another.

I’m going to include three links to different organizations and donation lists every week in order to better connect us all and really move to a happier life. Until next week!


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//Black Lives Matter//Gemini Sun//Aries Moon//Sagittarius Rising//English Major//Loves Sir Elton John, Janis Joplin, and most variations of chips and dip//
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