Dating a Psychopath (An Anxious Person's POV)

Psychopaths are made out to be monsters. People acting out in an erratic way, making rash decisions, or seeming “crazy” are called “psycho” all the time in our society. It’s rare when people know what real psychopaths are, and if they do, they think psychopaths are just cold-blooded killers.

What people don’t realize is that dating a psychopath is dating a human, which means there’s still ups and downs. I’m here to share my experience as a person who struggles with anxiety and depression. So, here’s what dating a psychopath is really like.

My boyfriend, who we’ll call Kyle to maintain his privacy, was born with Antisocial Personality Disorder (also known as APD), meaning he is a psychopath. He has a rigid moral-code that doesn’t make room for any gray areas, he’s impartial to most mundane things, he doesn’t trust easily, and he doesn’t have a normal level of empathy. Some people see him as cold, but if you try to understand him and treat him as a normal person instead of a monster, you’ll see him for the incredible man he is.

At the beginning of our relationship, I couldn’t even tell he liked me. Kyle isn’t very affectionate and definitely isn’t one to share sappy posts on Instagram to let everyone know how he feels about anyone. He only shared how he felt about me if I asked, which is absolutely terrifying to do, as you can imagine. Asking someone that you’ve only gone on four or five dates with how they feel about you is not ideal, especially being anxious and all. But I had to if I wanted to know, and of course I knew he had to feel something for me because a man like him wouldn’t waste time on someone he didn’t care for.

But, just because he didn’t openly share his feelings didn’t mean he doesn’t feel. Kyle’s upfront about when he wants to talk about something and when he doesn’t, which is usually only when he’s too angry about something to discuss it calmly at that point, so he asks me to give him some space on a particular issue until he’s ready to revisit it.  

Don’t get me wrong though, he caters to my needs too. He knows about my disorders, and he is always trying to help me out and make me feel as comfortable as possible as well. Kyle did plenty of research on anxiety, panic attacks, and depression to know how to help me if I’m feeling particularly panicky. Because he’s so observant and analytical (part of APD), he knows the difference in my anxious moods to know if I need to roll a window down, hold his hand as if I’m holding onto life itself, ugly cry, vent, or just listen to him talk about something to distract me from the anxious feeling.

Having Kyle as an anchor in my more manic episodes is the best thing I could have. He’s efficient under pressure, he can analyze people and situations to find the best and quickest solution, and he can talk me out of some of my crazy ideas when I’m being irrational and acting on pure emotion without worrying about the consequences. I used to think that his inability to empathize with my disorder would cause issues, it has been nothing but helpful. He’s the logical counterpart that someone like me needs. He’s the realist and I’m the dreamer. And while I’ve been advised against him by some, I’m glad to have stuck with him thus far.

He’s human, and he’s proof to never judge someone solely on their disorder.