As Demi Levato sings, “What’s wrong with being–what’s wrong with being–what’s wrong with being confident?” And the answer is: nothing! As long as it’s combined with a healthy dose of humility and compassion. A feeling of confidence is what allows us to feel like we belong in the world, that we are allowed to take up space. Unfortunately, not all of us feel that self-confidence. Instead of the idea that someone is lacking sureness, I like to think of it as simply hiding behind our insecurities. So to improve your self-confidence, here are a few tips I’ve discovered over the past few years.
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When you’re out walking, whether around campus or across the city, walk as though you’re on a runway. I know it sounds a little funny–strange, even. But when I imagine that I’m on a catwalk strutting through the long streets of Seattle or across campus to my next class, I realize that I walk with more confidence and a little more attitude. Runway models have to be self-assured and comfortable in their clothes and skin; they’d likely be out of a job if they weren’t. Fake it til you make it, babes. Walk with that confidence and attitude, and eventually you won’t be faking it anymore.
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Try striking up a small conversation with someone new. Going up to strangers to talk to them is terrifying. Trust me, I know. But if you can muster up that courage, not only will you surprise yourself with how brave you can be, you experience someone else accepting you when they engage in that conversation with you. Having a random stranger acknowledge you serves as a small affirmation. Confidence and certainty radiate their own energy, and people notice that. People like that. And when you see that people accept you in those brief little moments, it can serve as a reflection of your own confidence.
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Exercise more! I’m not saying that your body isn’t perfect, because it is. Every single body has a beauty to it. What I’m talking about with exercise is about something different. If you’ve ever woken up one morning with a stuffy, runny nose and puffy eyes, or a stiff back and legs, you’ll know that when your body feels off, your attitude does too. From as basic to stretching in your room or taking a walk to as complex as engaging in a daily workout regimen, you need to move your body. You need to engage your muscles, let the blood flow through, let oxygen move about your system. When your body feels healthy because you’re treating it well, you as a person get to feel good, too! Little endorphin releases in your brain caused by exercise and movement make you happier, and a positive disposition helps in fostering positive self-image.
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If it’s your thing, treat yourself to some cute underwear or lingerie. When I had a personal trainer, one of the tips I received from them was to workout in a matching set or something that I feel good in. If I like the way I look, I’ll be motivated to work hard and workout well. In high school, one of our Spirit Week day themes was “Dress Well, Test Well”. The idea behind it was that if you dress successfully, you will feel more confident in your ability to perform well. When it comes to confidence, I have had a lot of fun with this one. Every now and again, I’ll drop a little extra cash on a cute new lingerie piece. I’ll go home, put it on, and dance around in front of my mirror, loving the way I feel in it. My older sister took on the habit, too, and now whenever she wears her cute underwear beneath her work clothes, she’ll call me to tell me how secretly badass she feels. Again, this might not be a thing for everybody. But also, worst case you walk away with a cute pair of underwear (which is still functional).
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Last but not least, and quite frankly my favorite: in the morning, stand in front of the mirror naked and find three things you like. While confidence is an experience of the whole person, a person’s confidence can largely stem from their appearance. It’s easy to feel badly about ourselves when we look in the mirror and don’t like what we see. First thing in the morning, your body is sort of reset. You’ve rested, food has digested, your skin is a bit more refreshed. Just get naked and stand in front of the mirror. Get used to your naked form. Get familiar with your body and what it looks like (this can be important for medical reasons in addition to self-esteem ones). And then identify three things you like. Maybe you like the way your butt looks, or you think you have really nice hands, or you like how strong your legs are. Whatever it is, identify it. Name it. Say it out loud. And accept that compliment from yourself. Esteem and confidence grow the strongest when they come from a genuine place of self-love and acceptance. Eventually, those three things will become five things, and then ten things until you like more of yourself than you dislike.
Obviously, there isn’t a single solution to building your self-esteem. Confidence is something that influences the way we see ourselves in our world. It focuses on how we feel about our character, our intelligence, our appearance, etc. Confidence isn’t all about our physical appearance, but it can stem from there. The first step is often to make sure we feel confident and comfortable with our physical presence in the world. These five tips take a soft approach at the various aspects of ourselves in the hopes of showing us that we are loved and that we can love ourselves.