This is the article I’ve been too afraid to write. All the rawness of a pretty difficult time in my life was just too much to put down in a word document. But to anyone that’s ever gone through a bad breakup, I want to let you know that everything really does work out how it should. You will find yourself again.
My biggest insecurity has always been never feeling like I was significant in anyone’s lives. I’m not saying I thought that I didn’t have friends or that I didn’t matter—I just always felt like the person that was just there. Not really making that much of an impact when present—just existing. I felt like this around everyone. Everyone except around him.
But when my relationship ended, I lost that “solid” sense of validation that I was important to someone. I lost the sense of security that there was always someone I could run to at the end of the day when no one else seemed to notice. I also lost myself. He was everything, and then he was gone. I didn’t know where to go or who to turn to because that person always used to be him. Honestly, I didn’t know how to be single after two years of being in a serious relationship. I thought I was so alone and that I would be bothering people with my presence if I tried to get close to them. I would spend most of my time with him—even in social situations—because I felt like I’d be bothering everyone else. I was left by myself with no one that I thought could handle everything about me and still stick around. This thought was selfish and inconsiderate.
Looking back, I realized that the truth about all this insecurity was that the reason I didn’t feel close to anyone else was because I didn’t let myself be close to them. I was so terrified of my feelings and efforts not being reciprocated that I created this illusion that my inability to feel significant was due to people not caring to.
While I was left lost for a little while after my breakup, I can honestly say—a year later—that I am in a much happier mental state than I ever was in my relationship. I was so used to going to him whenever I started to feel even the slightest bit of uneasiness in certain situations that I never really got close to the other people that I wanted to. After pushing myself out of that slump, I began putting my efforts into people that deserved it. Without him to run to all the time, I was able to realize that I had so many other people in my life that would do the same—and even more—than he ever did. By being forced into the uncomfortableness of finding other people to spend time with, I truly started to actually feel like I had more people in my life that valued my relationship with them as much as I did.
For the first time in a while, I could truly say that I am happy with who I am. I no longer feel like I’m always “just there” when I’m surrounded by the right people. I’m comfortable enough to spend time by myself and know that I have people that I can turn to when I need someone else. I don’t feel the need to rely on someone else for my validation. I love who I am, with or without him, and I’ve never been so content with the relationships I have with the people in my life.