I can be a negative person. I am aware of this, and let’s just say that it’s not my favorite thing about myself. The funny thing is, I don’t think my family and friends would describe me as a pessimist. Although I can be quiet sometimes, I think I give off positive energy. I guess I don’t mean that I’m negative in that way.
What I mean by negative is that I always assume the worst. So, I tend to be pessimistic, but not in a glass-half-empty kind of way, but with people. Honestly, I just always assume the worst in people.
That sounds bad, but it’s how I am, how I’m wired. If no one is texting me or even if someone hurts me in some nondescript way, I always assume the worst. And yes, I am aware that that is kind of toxic, and I am working on it, but it’s not easy. I always make the assumption that people are trying to hurt me. Always. And that is not a great mind set to be in, especially when you’re already insecure and convinced that no one actually likes you that much.
Throughout my life, my mom has always known this about me and there is one thing that she’s told me that always managed to make me feel better.
My mom has always told me to assume positive intent.
Assume that people aren’t trying to hurt you, assume that people have positive intent. Basically, assume the best in people. Because nine times out of ten, you’ll be right.
But even knowing this and keeping it in the back of my mind, it can still be difficult to remember sometimes. I guess you could say I’m a pretty sensitive person, so a lot of the times what people say or do hurt me without them realizing. It’s easy to internalize these things and let them build up until I’m convinced that no one likes me. And I know the healthy thing would be to express how I’m feeling, but I don’t always feel secure enough in friendships to do that.
I would feel weird if every time I was hurt by something I said it aloud because most of the time, it’s little things that don’t seem to matter to other people. And these “things” that I’m talking about aren’t necessarily mean things, they can just be a little insensitive, or even a bit thoughtless. And to someone who is constantly on the lookout for signs that people don’t like me, little things can hurt more than people think.
But these people are my friends, my loved ones. I know that they aren’t trying to hurt me, I know that they love me. But that little voice in my head can get really loud sometimes. So, it’s something I remind myself everyday: assume positive intent. Assume the best in people. Give people the benefit of the doubt. I guess my point is, hearing advice won’t automatically help you, you have to act on it. When my mom tells me to assume positive intent, I have to work at that every day and sometimes I still get discouraged. So, even if you aren’t someone who has a problem with negativity, I guess my words of wisdom would be something like, you won’t just wake up one day and be the person you want to be. You have to actively be that person until one day you look in the mirror, and you’re the best version of yourself that you could possibly be. For me, that best version is someone a little more confident, a bit surer of herself. And someone a little more posi