The 5 stages of a post-all-nighter

It’s pretty safe to say that most people have a knack for pushing things off until the last minute. We’re human, procrastination runs in our veins. Unfortunately, where mistakes occur, consequences follow. In this case, it’s the dreaded ALL NIGHTER. You know that your sleep cycle is now ruined and you’ll be looking like a zombie for the rest of the week, but you dug yourself in this hole. If this sounds anything like you, you’ll completely resonate with the compiled 5 stages of the all-nighter hangover.

1. The Nativity:

The earth is quiet, everyone is deep in their REM cycle, and you can’t believe you hear birds. In the 2 minutes you take to look away from whatever you’ve been doing for the past 5 hours, you see the sky change in color and the sun rise along the horizon and it gives you a deeper appreciation for time and life. This is something you don’t usually experience and its beautiful, even though it’s so painful to reach. The moment you share with the rising sun makes your inevitable all-nighter just a little bit worth it.

2. The Delirium

The morning after an all-nighter, there’s always a few hours where you transform into a delirious psychopath without even realizing it. You might not be able to recall the events of the early afternoon. Your head is throbbing, your memory is failing you, and your under-eye bags are on full display. Yet amongst the agony and pain of being awake through the depths of night, you almost feel like you’re in on something that everyone else missed out on during their night’s sleep. Is sleep really for the weak? Have you surpassed all human capabilities? No, you haven’t (que third stage)

3. The Crash

Inevitably, you’re feeling dead and almost lose all locomotive abilities. You can only think about how tired you are and how much your eyes burn from the unhealthy amount of straight hours you’ve been alive. You become irritable and miserable. The all-nighter doesn’t even seem worth it. You can’t beat the human race. You don’t have super powers. It’s quite a depressing and anticlimactic trough in the process.

4. The Revival

In the midst of your exhaustion, alas! You are no longer tired! You’re not sure if that’s because you’re just so tired you don’t feel it anymore, or if you’ve managed to trick yourself with the notion that you’ll never need to sleep again. You think that maybe you could go for days without sleep, and your whole sleep cycle (and life) feel like a scam. Why have so many of YOUR MOST PRODUCTIVE HOURS gone unnoticed? Why must we even sleep? What you don’t realize is yes you might be surviving, but you’re definitely not thriving.

5. The End

The moment you’ve been waiting for--- you wave your white flag and pass out. You thought you could beat human nature, society and sleep, but ultimately, your lack of shut-eye gets the best of you. Even though finally calling it a day (or two) is so satisfying after an all-nighter, you swear to yourself that you’re never doing this again. Maybe you should just finish things on time next time……