In our society, standards and strict rules have been established for dating. It’s expected for women to be submissive, and men to take charge. Men are expected to pick the girl up for the date, pay for the meal, and initiate the kiss at the end.
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But what if the tables were turned?
What if women took control, and asked the guy out on a date? Would the women be seen as too aggressive? Would men see it as a loss of power?
Out of curiosity, I posted this question on the Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD) Class of 2019 and 2020 Facebook group pages. Most of the responses were quite positive and open-minded. Most of the men had no objection to being asked out:
“It’s really cool/hot if a girl makes the first move because for once, the guy can have a clear understanding of what is up and where they stand, instead of trying to read signals,” wrote Burke Swanson, a third year Performing Arts student.
“I would love to be asked out,” answered Sebastian Alegria, a Film and Television student. “It establishes confidence and that you know what you want, and not being afraid of judgment.”
And as David Condon, another Film and Television student, simply put it: “Shoot yo shot, ladies.”
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As for the ladies, almost all of them were on board with the idea. Some of them had even already done it in the past:
“I usually make the first move for guys I actually like. I prefer that a lot, because I don’t really like being hit or asked out by guys,” admitted third year Film student, Diana Gorin. “I’d rather be rejected than do the rejecting.”
“I asked a guy out once, and he said he appreciated me asking him,” wrote Julieta Torres-Aldana. “I don’t really see a difference when it comes to who asks who.”
Other women supported the idea, but would never do it themselves:
I think it’s perfectly fine for a girl to ask a guy out,” replied Lexie Thibodeaux, a third year Animation student. “I did actually ask someone out before, but got rejected, so I refused to do it again after that.”
“I had made the first move once, but it turned out very badly and I was horribly embarrassed,” wrote Chauni LourBlanc, an Illustration student. “Now I usually wait for the guy to make a move. I find it really sexy when a guy makes the first move with considerations what they know about me. The more personal, the better.”
Only one woman was objected to the idea entirely:
“I would personally feel uncomfortable asking a guy out. It’s an unpopular opinion, but I still view it as the guy’s job,” admitted Brianne Olsen, a Fashion Design student.
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In fact, many of the responses mentioned the fear of rejection as the reason they (both men and women) refused to make the first move. So is there a way to conquer it?
The first step of getting over this fear is to realize that rejection is always a possibility, but it’s not the end of the world.
Rejection doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It’s just the universe’s way of telling you that someone better is around the corner.
“I believe that what we lack most in this century is communication with a person of interest. I see people so afraid to express themselves emotionally, so they just don’t talk at all,” explained Performing Arts student, Darius Johnson. “But it (communication) is what’s needed in order for there to be comfort and a safe environment for any one person to make a move!”
So if you want my advice on the issue (which of course you do, why would you be reading this?), tell the person you like how you feel. Don’t hold back.
Whether you’re a man or woman (or straight, bisexual, gay, etc.), everyone should be encouraged to tell someone that they care about them. We need to spread more love in this world, anyway.
And as Illustration student, Jay O’Strander said, “gender roles and dynamics are so last century.”
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