As finals creep up, I’m realizing how much I miss doing things for myself. I noticed that each of my hobbies has become commodified or connected to my academics.
I love to read, but I hardly ever read for my own enjoyment anymore. I love to write, and I do it often, now that I’m a part of Her Campus and write papers often, but it’s not as creative as it once was.
The point is, I miss having a creative outlet that’s only for me.
I’m surrounded by creatives. My friend and roommate, Gwen, sews her own clothes, embroiders, does aerial silks, and regularly shows her creative side. My best friend, Eoghan, plays bass guitar, dabbles with video games, and explores fashion in his free time.
I am always a little jealous when I see them enjoying their hobbies while I complete the schoolwork I procrastinated on. I want to join them on the floor and embrace a hobby.
I want to be known as a creative, to be someone others think of when they talk about people who share their skills. I want to write poetry again and lay in hammocks because I make the time for it.
This is not only a cry to be a creative, but to make time for myself. I can’t remember the last time I sat down to read without the guilt of having a task to complete or the last time I had a dance party alone.
I miss showing off my skills and connecting with others through these skills. I miss being a band kid who had 40 minutes every school day to practice my craft. I miss acting with a cast and learning from my friends for three months straight.
Most of all, I wish to know I can make time for these things. I wish I could let myself watch a tv show and not check the clock because it feels unproductive. I want to do an hour-long yoga practice and walk out knowing I did not waste a single minute of my day because I was taking care of myself.
I crave to have an activity that I can do that is mine. I want to have a toolbox of ways to express myself that I’m proud of and that I can share with others.
I’m hoping that during this last week of classes and throughout finals week that I will take the time to acknowledge my own needs. I deserve to have good things and to feel fulfilled, but I can’t do this without first caring for myself.