They Can’t Read Your Mind

There’s a common trope that the right people will “read your mind”. 

The best parents, friends, partners, and coworkers will know and understand you so wholly that they can understand your needs and act on them at any moment. 

This narrative is not only untrue, but extremely harmful. 

My analysis and subsequent passion for this topic started after I witnessed the “if he wanted to he would” so-called “movement” on social media. I started to wonder if there were ratios of luck versus effort in any human dynamic. I remember thinking to myself, “How will someone always know what I need and when?” 

In my own experiences, I have found that most healthy relationships and friendships are a mix of both. You may be lucky you met a certain person at a certain time- and that should be celebrated. Luck is lovely, but it won’t sustain anything between two humans. That’s where effort kicks in. 

My loved ones know me very well. I commonly say “To be loved is to be known”, which I have noticed is deeply profound, beautiful, and true. My roommates, brother, parents, boyfriend, and childhood friends notice my tendencies, emotions, and desires. Sometimes, they seem to know me more than I know myself. 

My brother can tell I am upset by the slightest change in my voice.

My roommates know I am a social butterfly at heart.

My parents always know how to cheer me up. They surprise me with a coffee and take me on a walk or drive. 

These moments show me unconditional love; however, I would never claim that these people can (or should!) read my mind. 

No matter how capable, loving, or understanding we are, we cannot read other’s minds. On this note, we cannot expect people to read our minds. When we enter friendships and relationships with the expectation that the other party can foreshadow our emotions and actions, it can lead to resentment. 

Maybe you got frustrated when your best friend couldn’t tell that you just had experienced the worst day of your life. 

Perhaps a partner once forgot about an important date in your relationship. 

It’s likely that, at one point, you were going through something personal and wished that a boss, professor, or friend could be more lenient in their expectations of you at the time. 

In these experiences, we may have subconsciously sought comfort or reassurance without wanting to express it. These moments, if left untreated, can break our most beloved human connections. 

I am an advocate for over-communication simply because people cannot read our minds. I wear my heart on my sleeves, but even so, there may be things about me or my experiences that people do not know. We should never make assumptions about other humans, whether they are complete strangers or our closest loved ones. 

The solution? Practice communicating your thoughts out loud more, simply because you recognize they have worth and weight. Not all of our days will look the same. On both our best and worst ones, we can feel comfortable enough to tell others how we feel. 

Perhaps you ask your professor for a much-needed extension on a paper.

 Maybe you tell your partner that you’re having a stressful week and that you’d love some extra reassuring texts and a date night.

You could tell your parents you love and appreciate them because you don’t do it enough. 

Humans have been communicating for hundreds of thousands of years. Though communication has evolved in its form, one thing hasn’t: we still cannot read minds.

I think this is a beautiful element of our creation. We weren’t meant to be mental telepathists. We were designed to crave curiosity in our communication and empathize with other human beings in whatever situation they are in.

• college
• mental health
• relationships