The Present of Presence

In high school, I was a star student – I had a (nearly) perfect attendance record throughout middle school and high school (only stunted by the time my mom had Covid at the beginning of the pandemic and the time I travelled to Texas for my cousin’s wedding). 

I finished in the top five for my high school graduating class, an impressive feat, but one that came with the fact that I had a graduating class of 35. I was a straight-A student, a lead member in many clubs, including National Honor Society, Student Council, and the theatre program, and I was often seen with a book in my hand. 

I was constantly stressed, on edge, and saying I was too busy for any extracurriculars not budgeted into my schedule. I did nothing but go to school and practice, then head to bed around midnight after completing homework for four to five hours every night. 

I glorified this practice. The adults in my life glorified it. 

I was the “perfect student,” too busy to get into trouble, too busy to learn about myself. 

At the beginning of my time at SBU, I told myself that I wouldn’t fall into this habit again. I wanted a life, one that really meant something to me and one I wouldn’t secretly complain about. 

I began to fall into this routine of being “too busy” for the people around me, my own personal way of avoidance, after my first semester at SBU. I was working one five-hour per week job at that point and did not carve out time for my friends beyond an hour or two at night when I was already emotionally exhausted. 

During my sophomore year, I began living with Gwen, who became the perfect roommate for me. I envied her ability to spend time being creative, sewing patches on pants, and taking time to doodle. She was often running or moving her body in intentional ways. 

As my junior year approached, I tasked myself with finding a new way to schedule myself. I, too, would make time to be creative, to be kinder to myself and honor who I am at my core. 

I didn’t really want to be busy at every moment of the day, I just saw it as a solution to ensure no one would say I was wasting my precious days in college. 

In the fall, I noticed I did not spend nearly enough time studying, but I wasn’t really taking a lot of time for my friends, either.

This semester, I have been working to carve out time spent with the people I love most. I don’t want to waste a single moment I’ve been given. It’s a gift to so deeply love the people I share my time with and they deserve me in my most present moment. 

2026 is my year of presence, of being a gentle and reliable friend to both myself and others. I recently saw a post on Instagram that said, “In your planning of priorities for this week, make sure to add yourself.”

Add yourself to your priorities this week. You can’t show up for the ones you love if you don’t first show up for you. You are ABSOLUTELY a priority worth devoting time to!

• burnout
• college
• presence
• self love