One of the best parts of going to a Catholic school is having an Easter break. It gave me time to catch up on some homework and finally have a bit of rest.
But why couldn’t I rest guilt-free? Was it knowing I had a test so soon after we came back? Or knowing I had four group projects waiting for me?
Yeah, it was that. I still shoved that out of my brain and tried my best to enjoy the couple of days off. Still, something kept nagging me.
My hobbies.
During the week, I don’t get nearly as much time as I’d like to work on a hobby. That’s the keyword, work. What’s relaxing on a weeknight after a long day suddenly feels like a chore when I have downtime, and I hate that I view it that way. But when I have a bag filled with a half-finished blanket on the floor, sewing patterns that need to be pieced together on a cabinet, clay that’s been on the corner of my desk for years, and a Lego box sitting on a shelf, it feels overwhelming.
Instead of being a nice, relaxing, creative outlet, these activities suddenly wind up on my to-do list. I did finally get around to making little clay trays, and I even painted and sealed them! I was happy to have it done, and I still enjoyed the process, but it did feel a little bit like a chore. It’s like I got the dopamine hit but was still full of cortisol.
It might be how cluttered my room feels with too many projects going on. Or, trying to figure out which project to work on. With so many choices, it’s hard to choose. Sometimes I daydream about what project I want to start, but I already have so many sitting around. It’s probably the guilt of taking time for myself when I know I have other work to do.
I still get joy out of creating, but I think being this busy with this many projects going on is stealing some of that joy. There’s a time-based pressure, knowing that I only had a couple of days to fill with as many hobbies as I could. I feel behind on something that doesn’t have a deadline.
When the semester is over, I’m hoping the pressure eases up, and I can enjoy life a little bit more. I can’t go on a walk without thinking about my marketing presentation. I can’t clean my room without remembering that there’s a statistics project due next week. Or read my book without thinking about a different marketing project. It never ends!
I love my hobbies, but I don’t love being this busy. Trying to slow down and enjoy the process is impossible with everything else life is demanding right now. I know in a few more weeks it’ll be calmer, and my crochet hook will be right there waiting.