It’s really easy to sit around and wallow when you’re feeling down. The first thing I want to do when I’m feeling sad is lay around and let myself spiral. This, of course, is an awful habit, but it’s not one that’s easy to kick.
For a long time, I didn’t feel the need to change the way I dealt with emotional pain. After all, it eventually went away. So, for all of my life, it was the same thing: get sad, sit around, get sadder until it eventually subsided. It wasn’t until I was broken up with that I realized that this “method” of feeling better was completely unproductive.
In the first few weeks, I sat around all day crying and feeling sorry for myself. It was miserable, to say the least. I just couldn’t find a reason to do anything else, and I didn’t bother to search for a reason.
I called my dad one night to confide in him, and while I was crying, he told me I needed to snap out of it and pick myself up. At first, I was taken aback. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted him to give me the same affirmations that I had been given before, all of the cliches, like “it’ll get better with time”, “he’s a jerk”, and “you deserve better”.
Instead, I was met with a stern remark, and I was surprised. After we hung up the phone, I went back to crying and lying around, as per usual. After I was finished wallowing in self-pity, I gave what my dad had said some thought. I let my emotions control my entire life, and if I ever wanted to heal, I’d have to take initiative.
It was really tough to find ways to occupy my time at first. I had very little motivation to do much of anything. Filling my time was hard. My classes only took up a short time of my day, and my assignments didn’t take me long. I had so much free time on my hands.
I started by taking time to eat real meals instead of eating trail mix in my bed for lunch. Rather than going straight to my room after class, I went to the dining hall or Freshens to sit down, eat a meal, and enjoy the company of my friends. This alone made me feel better.
I noticed that my mind and body felt calmer when I was out of my bed and spending time outside of the comfort of my room. Then, I started going on walks. My roommate and I started going on walks on a trail and around campus. Just the act of being in the sun and moving my body made me feel so much more fulfilled than I had in a while. I started going to the gym with my roommate and I look forward to it every day. It gives me an opportunity to focus on something that isn’t sadness or anger.
It felt amazing to be doing something that wasn’t wallow. As I fall into a routine of productivity, I find myself feeling more content with everyday life. My heart feels less broken, and I know that wouldn’t have been possible if I had kept myself in the same cycle.
What I’m getting at is that if you want to heal, you can’t wait for it to come to you. You, and you alone, are responsible for picking yourself up when you’re down. Though it’s a hard pill to swallow, healing only happens when you make it. Heartbreak is inevitable; only you are in control of how you handle it.