To be a woman comes with a list of things that you must be or accomplish. Be nice, but not too nice, be skinny, but still sexually appealing to the male gaze. You have to stand your ground, but you can’t be a b*tch.
You have to want a family and kids, but it can’t be your only goal. I could go on and on because there is a laundry list of qualities and a life that you have to live as a woman, and for me, I am the one who put the most pressure on myself for this.
The iconic speech from America Ferrera at the end of Barbie captures this perfection that women need to reach perfectly. At the end of Ferrera’s speech, she says, “It’s too hard, it’s too contradictory.” In fact, I cried, not because I was embarrassed but because I forced this upon myself.
Ferrera hits on the point of it all: it’s too hard, and focusing on fitting into this unrealistic box that has been set and we uphold, because all we have ever been taught is this standard.
I’ll play the devil’s advocate, and it was helpful for me. I got into the gym to become skinny, and now I want to be strong. I learned to stand my ground, but now I am a bit of a b*tch. I learned that I actually would love being a mother and bringing up or helping the future generation grow into the best people they can be. Now, to get out of being on a side I don’t agree with.
This pressure to be perfect is brought on by a lot of people in the world, but from my experience, you are the worst. You are your worst critic, the person who pressures you to be the best with no rest.
For me, perfection is the bottom line, and if I can’t reach that, then I am a failure.
And I’m here to report that it is not the cause. So, if you think that you are “perfect” enough, just know that no matter if you are nice, if you aren’t, if you want kids, or not, if you aren’t the quote-unquote perfect woman. WHO CARES!
This invisible pressure that exists in every woman burns deep inside, will always be there, but make it take the “perfect woman” and make you better. If you like to live, go get as strong as you can; if you like to run, work towards a marathon. Because some days are hard, sometimes I would love to succumb to the societal pressures expected of us, it’s cooler if you don’t.
So take my advice and don’t shrink yourself, and put pressure on yourself to be the perfect version of YOU.
So while this is a pressure that sits on the shoulders of every woman, take it off.