I’m an open book. Ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you that I’m not afraid to share anything about my personal life. You could ask me the most personal questions, and I won’t hesitate to give you an honest and detailed answer. If you wanted, I’d give you an entire story time about my first kiss. I will give you details about each and every one of my family members. I tell random strangers about the trauma my first situationship put me through. I love to talk about how awkward I was during high school. Â
I’m truly willing to share every little thing about my life and how it has led me to the point that I am now. I don’t know if it’s the psychology major in me, but my favorite pastime is debriefing every little thing that has ever happened to me. I’ll tell you the same story ten times, and each time I’ll analyze it differently. That’s just how I’ve been and how I’ll always will be.Â
Ironically enough, I feel like I’m also such a closed-off person. If you’re one of my friends, you’ll probably laugh at that statement, but hear me out. I’m terrified of everything. Every morning, I wake up with intense anxiety about the future. I stick to the same routines, making sure that everything feels comfortable to me. New experiences are my worst fear. Why would I change if everything is going okay now?Â
The answer is alarmingly simple- because I have to. I have to open myself up to change. I’ve always been the type of person to keep a small and close circle, mostly sticking to myself, but recently things have changed. I decided to open myself up to the possibility of new friendships, and I even found myself with new roommates for next year along the way. I don’t talk about it a lot, but after my freshman year roommate transferred, I thought I would end up living alone for the rest of my college career. It’s not that I wanted to isolate myself, I just never saw myself opening up to the point of feeling close enough to someone that I wanted to live with them, but somehow, I’m here.Â
I’m so blessed to have met new people this past semester and welcomed them into my life. I took that leap of faith, and I’ve never been happier. I know that no friendship is perfect, and I’m so happy with where I am right now, but I’ve never felt so excited for the future. At the beginning of my sophomore year, I was content with how things were, and I never really saw things changing, but I’m so grateful they did. I’m determined to make the most out of my last year of undergrad and open myself up to new experiences, no matter what they may bring. It’s time to become an open book, but not in the way that you’d expect.Â