Boundaries are such a tricky thing, and I hate them so much.
When I say this, I do not mean I hate other people’s boundaries and go around trying to break them. I mean, I hate my own boundaries, because I can’t seem to set, let alone hold them strongly.
Creating your own boundaries in life is a push-and-pull ordeal. You push what you think are your boundaries, and you pull back when you become uncomfortable, unhappy, etc. And after the efforts of the push-and-pull, you reexamine and readjust those previously thought boundaries.
This push-and-pull should be happening constantly. Yet, I can’t even muster up the courage and effort needed to make any sort of boundary for myself in the first place to try this push-and-pull method at all.
I will constantly say yes to just about anything someone wants me to do. Even if I don’t have the time, energy, or desire to do what they are asking. I really can’t say no.
My friends want me to go out; let’s go I’ll be ready in 10.
Work wants me to take on an extra role or shift; no worries I can do it.
Meanwhile, I have 10 assignments due, two shifts, four classes, and a club meeting the very next day. And I’m not prepared or started on any of the things I need to actually get done.
Not being able to set these boundaries makes it so much harder to have time for myself, which just leaves me burnt out and unmotivated to do anything of importance. Yes, my friends and work are extremely important to me, but sometimes there are other things that should be more of my focus.
And all I can think about when I’m at the hangout or on that extra shift is how I wish I had said no, and how I wish I could set those boundaries for myself.
When you begin to think about boundaries, it is all a matter of personal preference. No two people’s boundaries will be exactly the same. Even if it’s the “same,” it will vary by degrees of intensity and how flexible a boundary is to a person. Â
But I love work (more like the money and sometimes the work), and I definitely love my friends, so why would I say no to them? It’s hard trying to find that balance between when to say yes and when to say no.
As much as I want to say no, I’ll most likely keep going on saying yes. That’s my push, I guess, so now I just have to find my pull. Which you would think would be the easier part of the two.