Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to be a teacher. I would play school with my friends and my dolls every single day. I loved to make little worksheets or tests to have “my students” “complete”, so that I could grade them with colored pens and fun stickers. I would make lesson plans, and schedules, and take attendance every class. I adored every second of it.
This everyday routine of mine quickly turned into my dream. I would constantly think about how exciting it would be to have my own classroom, that I could decorate and run on my own. I would walk down the office and school supply isle in Walmart and Dollar Tree and would tell my mom, “I can’t wait to have this in my classroom”. Everyone around me knew that I wanted to be a teacher so badly.
But as I started to grow up to the age where I should know what I wanted to do with my life, I didn’t. Every time someone asked what I was going to be, I just said, “Oh, I want to be a teacher!”, knowing part of me was lying. All I knew was that I loved working with kids and wanted to help make a difference in the world; and that describes teaching to a T.
When it came time to pick a major and a career, I went back and forth but eventually settled back on education. I was so scared to go into school undecided and not have a plan. So, I picked the pathway I had the most experience and comfort with. I think I was so scared to pick something that I wasn’t 100 percent certain about. How is a teenager supposed to know what they are going to do with their life for the next 40 years? Because I certainly didn’t.
Choosing education quickly became about so much more than designing cute bulletin boards, and arranging seating charts, or using fun stickers and pens. I realized that I would be holding the future generations in my hands. I would shape and prepare students for their next steps in life. And honestly, I think that scared me a bit (and still does).
Also. Would I be letting myself down? I grew up with the dream of having this career and working in a classroom that I knew nothing else. If I didn’t become “Miss Honey”, would I be letting down that little girl playing with her American Girl Dolls 12 years ago?
There is something so strange about questioning the dream you’ve had forever. It’s like I’m disappointing everyone around me, even though no one told me I had to become a teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the idea of having my own classroom and working with kids, and it definitely is something I can see myself doing in the future. But what if something else is out there that I haven’t experienced yet all because I am afraid of disappointing myself?