The impending doom of graduation has set in and has become incredibly real. I am writing this on January 29, 2025, and this May I graduate from St. Bonaventure. I will be walking away with a certification in Secondary History, ready to take on what my Master’s studies will bring.
I am also walking away with (and I am going to try and make this as nonchalant as I possibly can but to be quite honest with you, I could go on until I am blue in the face about the ways that Bonaventure has changed me for the better) priceless experiences and relationships.
At Bonaventure, I found my passion for teaching and loving the person I am. Luckily, being Bonnies, we know the impact that a small school in the “middle of nowhere” has on our lives. We see the bliss in the river trail, La Verna Starbucks and the private work pods in the basement of our library.
Graduation is 109 days away. And I am not ready. Emotionally, I try and deter my brain from going to that place. For that reason, I have had slow progress on my graduate school applications. I am currently bouncing back and forth between coming back to Allegany or moving back home along with what seems like a million other thoughts my brain refuses to conduct. I think about it all for five minutes tops and then I stop.
But I can get there slowly but surely.
No one is saying I have to figure everything out by next week. No one is telling me to sit down and complete my writing sample, my grad interview and my transcript sorting right this second and have it done by an 11:59 deadline.
I have time to work through this. I don’t have unlimited time, but I do have time. Deep breath.
If you are feeling similarly as me, do yourselves a favor and take a deep breath too. I feel like in high school we had the hands of our high school faculty, if we were fortunate enough, to guide us through the college application process. We were likely working a job or two, so application fees weren’t the end of the world because we had a semi-solid income than we might do now.
Home has become Allegany. When I think of home it takes me a bit longer to comprehend “home home” is in Manchester, where I grew up my entire life.
Home-home is less comforting for me now. This is fine, I often tell myself, because I have a solid relationship with my parents, and an even more stable one with my younger sister who is still under my parents’ roof.
Give yourself some validation. If the thought of potentially moving back home frightens you a tad, you are not abnormal. I have several resources and areas of support at home, and I know that I am one lucky girl because of it. That doesn’t mean I am not allowed to be sad to close the chapter on Bonaventure. That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be a bit scared or sad either.
Post-grad is filled with uncertainty. I keep saying I am not ready yet. But I know that when that beautiful spring day in May is upon us, I will be sad to leave, but I will also be looking ahead with a smile for what’s to come. It will be different, but it’s not a bad thing. After all, the transition from high school to college was also different and packed with uncertainty.
We get through it. Just remember to take care of yourself, set healthy boundaries if home-home isn’t your favorite place to be anymore and remember that you won’t ever be going through post-grad emotions alone.
Author’s note: I am finished writing about post-Bonaventure life because, well, I still might be here next year. Who knows. But also, I need to live where I am now and let myself be at peace with that. You should too, seniors.