Around when I was four years old, I decided my name was not pretty enough, so I added Flower French Toast Sticks to the end of my name. Flower was added because it was the most beautiful word to a 4-year-old and French Toast Sticks was added because they were my favorite food ever to eat.
So, my new name was now Cadence Jane Evans Flower French Toast Sticks, but I kept the French Toast Sticks off my paper when I was in school because even my 4-year-old little self knew that it would be embarrassing, but my mom got a kick out of French Toast Sticks as my last name, so I kept it there for her. But how cool from a 4-year-old’s perspective it was to have a last name as Flower, and I had told every single person that my last name was this beautiful word. It gave me a feeling of comfort and recognition.
Looking back, this whole memory was more than just a cute and silly last name, myself at four years old was looking to change for acceptance, which is crazy to think that even at this age this is possible, but it is. At four years old I was self-aware to not add French Toast Sticks to the end of my name in school because it would lead to some people picking on me. In these very few years of life I was able to understand social norms and what would have made me grow in popularity compared to downgrade and not be recognized at all.
It feels as if my entire life I have been trying to fit in, and changing my last name in Pre-K is my first memory I can recall of this. I almost wish someone would have told me that I did not need to change my name because I was perfect the way I was, however, everyone loved my new last name. From here on out I knew changing myself would be my way of feeling accepted and recognized.
Now that I am old enough to grasp the concept of individual personalities, I try my best to not change myself to be friends with others. I try to be my own individual personality, but sometimes I subconsciously change the things about me to fit in. Now at 19 years old I only write Cadence Evans on all my papers, but I know deep down I’m always going to be Cadence Jane Evans Flower French Toast Sticks, trying to change myself to be accepted to others.