I’ve been fighting this illness for almost 2 years. I don’t remember what life without it was like. The culprit? A Urinary Tract Infection that constantly finds new ways to fly under the radar. But even when it seems like it’s not doing harm — it’s always there, always sucking the energy out of life.
I came home from school last week disheartened to tell my parents I tested positive yet again, and my mom asked me:
Well, have you been cleaning yourself down there?
While I’m sure she was well-meaning, her question highlights a common misconception about having a UTI: that the infection is from a lack of hygiene or a personal failing. And that is not the case.
Asking whether or not I clean myself in order to prevent a UTI (a bacterial infection of the urinary tract) is like asking someone with Strep Throat (a bacterial infection of the throat) if they brush their teeth every day. While there’s no such thing as achieving perfect hygiene, I always try my best to keep myself clean. The truth is, no amount of scrubbing can stop a microscopic enemy once it’s made its mark.
No matter how hygienic you are or how much you try to avoid germs, you can still get sick (and I should know, I have contamination OCD!). And that’s just the battle I’ve been fighting the last couple of years — an illness that just won’t go away and stay away.
Usually, when you’re sick, you miss a day or two of class, and then you’re back at it. But when your baseline is being sick, you don’t get that grace period. Society demands that you show up even when you’re running on empty; it’s a type of exhaustion that’s hard for others to see.
Most often, UTI’s have a few hallmark symptoms, pain while using the restroom, a frequent urge to go, or urine having a different smell or look. But when you’ve had one for a long time like me, the symptoms can look a lot different. Normal days can be filled with weakness, fever, or even vomiting.
And some days it seems like I don’t have any symptoms at all. Nonetheless, my body is fighting, and it’s fighting hard.
This week I finished my third round of antibiotics — this time, the strongest ones the doctor could give me.
When the medicine hit, I could tell my body was taking a big sigh of exhausted relief. It didn’t have to fight on its own anymore. All I could do was stay hydrated and hope I’d be one step closer to being a little less sick.
Even if the infection really is gone now, I know I won’t be out of the woods for quite some time. My body is tired and wounded, and it needs time to heal. I won’t know for a while if I’m in the clear, but what I can do is allow myself to rest unapologetically.
Please know that there’s nothing to be ashamed of when you’re sick. Whether it’s a common cold or something more serious, the culprits are the tiny microorganisms inside you — never you.