Chip Chop

Right before break, I did something I have been terrified about for years. I chopped my collarbone-length, grown-out bob into a sleek, yet fluffy, short-do. 

For some important context, I had waist-length hair from about sixth grade until the summer before my senior year of high school. I wouldn’t say I was known for my long hair, and in fact, people were shocked by how long it was every time I let it down from my tightly woven, messy bun I often sported. 

The summer before my senior year of high school, I made the daring decision to go for what I was calling “the big chop.” I ended my Tuesday afternoon of a community college public speaking course and immediately drove to the local Supercuts to cut 14 inches of hair, which I later donated to a local organization. 

While this initial cut was HUGE for me at the time, it wasn’t anything like the feeling I experienced when I made the most recent chop. I have known for about two years now that I wanted to get a solid haircut from Lennox Wolters-Tejera, an absolutely incredible and all-around powerhouse of a person! They have been peripherally in my life for roughly this long, and I knew I had to schedule the appointment when the opportunity opened. 

Here’s where the experience became even more special. Not only do I know Lennox because of their incredible hairdressing skills, but also because they are the (Olean) local queer person. They know of every resource you could imagine, and much of their practice is based on care beyond what they do with your hair. 

As someone who has become more comfortable with presenting queer, as time has passed, it is still a challenge for me to “feel gay.” I know for some, it comes naturally. For me, it feels like I have something to prove, as if I will never present queer enough for a person to look at me and immediately recognize it. It feels like a superpower in a way, this ability to present based on what others know about me in the professional sense, but sometimes it feels like hiding a dirty secret. 

I don’t want to be quiet about who I am, and I feel undoubtedly proud of how I have developed just since starting college. 

This haircut has already become a pivotal point for me. I have received an endless number of compliments and have even begun trying new ways of saying “thank you.” I feel so loved, particularly when I know the compliment giver knows what this cut means to me. It’s not just a haircut, it’s a sense of freedom. 

Lennox said to me at the end of the appointment, “This must feel so freeing,” meaning all the hair I was once carrying was now scattered across the floor, no longer mine to hold. It signalled to me, yes, my hair is quite heavy and thick and, boy, I am thrilled to let it go, but also, yes, I’ve never felt more me. 

I feel free in a way I could’ve never imagined. There’s no doubt to me now that I am becoming someone I love, and I’m beginning to understand why I am so loved. I am a truly unique person, and that’s an incredible gift to bear and to share with those around me.

This is your sign to do the thing your heart has pulled you to. Hair grows back, and hats are always available. Be brave and follow your heart; I’ll be rooting for you!

• beauty
• mental health
• self care
• transformation