As I am sitting waiting for trivia to start, the realization that this is my last week of freshman year is finally setting in. I am no longer going to be a first year, I have spent a year on campus, and I have become a completely different person.
I have grown in ways that I couldn’t even believe.
1.       I can now order for myself– At the beginning on my year here. I hated going up to order. At a restaurant, fast food, even in the Hickey. Now, I can order at the Hickey, at a restaurant, and even speak up for myself in stomach churning situations. While this seems trivial, it’s a big win for me.
2.       I am now comfortable in silence– I used to believe that I needed to fill the silence. Sitting with friends, being by myself, simply just being anywhere. I have now reached a point where silence comforts me. It calms me in a way that no ASMR can. Because there is something about a group of people, or friends that can sit in silence. A different level of friendship, a connection that can only occur in silence.
3.       Religion isn’t scary– My path of my religious beliefs has changed a lot. I went to church every Sunday as a child and was the best in Sunday school. I then stopped going because I had softball on Sunday mornings. Then, I went through many phases where I pushed myself away from religion. I did not want to associate in fear that my friends would think differently of me. Coming here, and specifically going to Mt. Irenaeus, it has opened my eyes in so many ways. Allowing me to reconnect with religion and knowing what others think of what I believe or how I spend my time doesn’t matter. But how I feel every night going to bed, knowing I have been happier with religion in my life rather than not.
4.       Mt. Irenaeus– The Mountain, Mt. Irenaeus, a special place in many hearts on the Bonaventure campus, and in only a few short months became mine. At the chapel at the Mountain, I have cried more tears that only my bed from home has seen. Multiple epiphanies have been made on the second row on the east side of the chapel. Often times my sleeves were soaked with tears, but they weren’t all bad. They came from love, finally letting myself go and feel. And yet, when crying, I was always welcomed into warm, loving arms soon thereafter. It’s not only the chapel, but the beautiful scene of nature that paints the background. The home cooked meal that everyone there put time and effort into making. Mt. Irenaeus is sprinkled with love.
5.       Most of all I have found me– I have found my loud, loving and beautiful self. I am no longer scared that I need to impress everyone or that I need outward acceptance. Why search and look for something that I give myself? No cost but only profit for myself.
Her Campus has changed me in many ways. I’m no longer scared to hide, I voice my opinion, I say how I feel and most of all, I take up all the space that I deserve. While I haven’t changed much of my personality, I have changed my presentation of it.