I think almost everyone has asked that question at some point. On the surface, the answer seems easy: yes, of course, people can change.
I can dye my hair blonde tomorrow, chop it off into a bob, or grow it out. I can get piercings, tattoos, or even go as far as plastic surgery if I wanted to. All of that would make me look different, maybe even unrecognizable to some. That’s definitely change, but it’s surface-level. It’s physical. The real question is, can people change who they actually are inside? Can you change someone else?
I don’t think I can suddenly flip a switch and erase the things that make me who I am. My beliefs, my morals, my values, those things don’t just vanish because I say they do. Sure, I can act differently for a while, put on a mask, and pretend I’ve “changed.” But when I’m by myself, when it’s just me in my own head, I’ll know the truth. Deep down, I’ll still be me, no matter how much I try to convince others, or even myself, that I’ve become someone else.
At the same time, though, I think people confuse “change” with “growth.” I may not become a completely different person at my core, but I can grow. Experiences shape us. If I go through heartbreak, loss, or even success, it affects how I see the world and how I treat others. I might not abandon my morals, but I could learn to apply them differently.
For example, if I’ve always been stubborn, maybe I won’t magically change into someone easygoing overnight. But I might grow enough to realize when my stubbornness hurts me or others, and I could learn to manage it better. That’s not the same as changing who I am; it’s more like upgrading who I am.
Now, what about changing other people? Can we make someone we like “better”? Honestly, I don’t think we can. We can inspire someone, we can influence them, and sometimes we can encourage them to see things differently, but at the end of the day, the choice to grow or change has to come from them. If someone changes just to please another person, it probably won’t last, because it’s not genuine.
Real growth sticks only when a person actually wants it for themselves. So no, I can’t mold someone into the version of them I think is “better.” I can support them, challenge them, or set an example, but the real work is always on their end.
So, do people really change? Yes and no. We can change our looks easily, and we can grow through life experiences, but our core stays mostly the same. And as for changing others? The truth is, we can’t do it for them; they have to want it for themselves.