If I’m honest, my biggest fear is that I’ll never fall in love. It’s not something I generally say aloud, but it creeps into the back of my mind every time I watch friends start relationships, scroll through Instagram couples, or observe love on the screen. It feels like the whole world is moving ahead, hand in hand, and I’m stuck waiting for something that I can’t guarantee will ever happen.
Other times, the fear gets loud. What if I’m too picky? What if I’m not sufficient? What if love just isn’t destined for me? These were once questions that spun me into a place of measuring my value based on if only someone else chose me. I used to believe that love would arrive like it does in the movies — effortlessly, with the right person showing up at the perfect time. But life doesn’t play out like a rom-com and expecting it to only makes me feel more behind.
Sometimes the pressure doesn’t just come from me. Friends ask if I’m seeing anyone, relatives bring it up at family gatherings, and it always leaves me with the same half-smile and awkward answer. It’s not that I’m embarrassed, but those moments remind me how much weight people put on romance, as if it’s the ultimate measure of being “on track.”
But the truth is, waiting on love does not make life wait — and I don’t want my happiness to depend on someone crashing into my life. So, I’ve been focusing on shifting my attitude. If I can’t control falling in love or when I’ll do it, what I can control is learning to love myself.
It’s not Hollywood, and it’s definitely not as romantic as it is in a rom-com montage. For me, self-love is small, everyday things: preparing myself a meal I actually enjoy, taking walks when I feel like I’m carrying too much around, singing along to music that makes me happy, or writing down the good about me even when I don’t really believe it. It also looks like setting boundaries, letting myself rest without guilt, and recognizing that even the smallest achievements count for something. It’s feeling proud of what I achieve — school, personal, or otherwise — and not needing someone to let me know it’s something to be proud of.
And seriously? The more I’ve embraced self-love, the less intimidating that original fear is. Do I still want to fall in love someday? Absolutely. But I’ve realized that being single does not mean being incomplete, and being in a relationship won’t magically fix all my issues.
So maybe love will come when it comes. Maybe it won’t be what I need it to be. Either way, I’ll be fine — because I’m not waiting on someone else to show me love when I can do it for myself already. Love might change my life one day, but it won’t define it.