Girl world – a dramatic, sticky, and difficult territory to navigate; no matter your age. As someone who has been through the ringer and back with cat fights, boy talk, GNOs, group chats (with and without me in them), and gossip – like I am sure most of us have – finding friends that are true and genuine can be tricky. Throughout the 3 years I have been here at college, I have been tossed and have jumped from friend group to friend group, whether that be through classes, extracurriculars, disagreements, or mutual friends. I spent a lot of time in high school and early college unsure of what friendship really meant to me. There were a lot of mixed dynamics and boundaries that I had a hard time keeping up. Too many nights were spent feeling low and confused because I didn’t feel worthy or valued.
I have pretty constantly been in a relationship since I was 14. They have always been long term and I really didn’t have too much of a problem standing up for myself and creating boundaries with my boyfriends to ensure that I felt loved and comfortable and vice versa. I realized that I felt most valued when they kept me updated on their day, remembered the things I like, spent planned and unplanned time with me, and didn’t hesitate to communicate their feelings. After years and years of girl drama, I connected the dots that I had friends treat me in ways that my boyfriend never would. Time and time again I would come home in tears and rant about the complications in girlhood and everytime I would be greeted with the same response, “why do you let them treat you like that?”
Only after about a million times of this same conversation did I decide that it was time. Slowly but surely, I began to stand up for myself and point out when my feelings were hurt. Of course, this came with picking and choosing my battles but I learned that just making them acknowledge that what they were saying wasn’t nice – the same way I would to my boyfriend if needed. Eventually, those that weren’t willing to accept my feelings fell off and those that wanted to stick around did. This definitely included myself changing too. I had to be willing to accept my own flaws and when I would say things that hurt them too.
I have friends that love me. Friends that are dating me. We make specific girl night plans together, pick times to watch movies, drink wine, do homework. They know my favorite drinks at Starbucks and I know theirs. We know each other’s irks and what each other needs after a long day. We know when to step back and when to ask for help. My friends say they love me when we hang up the phone and when we each go home. We have a shared calendar to know when each person has to work or has class and we have a mutual understanding that sometimes we just need some time alone or some extra love and we don’t have to ask questions why.
More importantly, I have friends that I love.