“It’s simply not you, it’s me.” That’s the typical breakup line. But truthfully, the reason I broke up with myself is because I am not my old self, and my new self is not related to the old me. As I have grown and started to figure out this thing called life, I realized a few simple lessons that turned me into a whole new person.
- Girl, stop leaving your heart un-guarded
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If I knew who I would be right now, I would not be sitting here talking to you about guarding your heart. This is key, guard your heart. This means that you should protect your time and emotional energy. Don’t allow just anyone to access your deepest thoughts and feelings. Look for someone with strong character traits that point to maturity. Traits like kindness, virtue, strong work ethic, honesty, and a good heart. They must be on the same page when it comes to religion. This doesn’t mean that they will be perfect but they should believe in and want to grow with Jesus as an individual. If you start lusting over individuals and become vulnerable with them, it can lead to many things; one is heartbreak. Trust me when I say I know what it feels like to leave a toxic situation. I understand and it hurts more than anything you can and ever will feel. The pain of being knocked down over and over leads to a state of darkness. Trust me when I tell you, guard your heart.
- Stop letting fear control you
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Fear is a nturual thing that takes over someones body. I’ve been living my life in complete fear. Fear of failure. Fear of loving. Fear of being open and vunerable just to get hurt.. again. The fear of opening my heart up to fully love because of the fear of getting my heart broken and feeling more broken and alone than I already was. Fear of letting those people, who make me fear love, go. I fear I won’t always be there for them. I have fear in my future, juggling where I may go. However, after years of dealing with this, I realized it isn’t others causing my fear, it’s me. Yes, bad things happen. Everyday we make the choice to either go forward or move backward. Choose to move forward and be free. Do not let others or fear control who you are. Overcome the anxiety. Letting go of the fears I had allowed me to be far more open and stronger than I would have ever imagined.
- Nudes won’t change him
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I do not know who needs to hear this, but I promise you, sending him explicit pictures and videos will not make him love you more. Love is a choice before he views your prized body. Do not fall for the guy who is wanting to only hookup. It will cause pain. Looking back at guarding your heart, understand that he will never change how he acts by seeing your body. If he does not compliment you the same after a few days, or put you as priority to call you, or set up cute dates, he does not belong. This is a lesson I am still teaching myself. It is okay to not be taken or be called “sombody’s girl.” It is more painful to give yourself, all of yourself, to someone then get turned down rather than just understanding that it will not work out. I promise you that. Sending him explicit items will never change the anger he has, the way he talks to multiple girls, the way he puts you second compared to his friends and video games. Please know that you are far more than whatever one person tells you. You are far better than just your body. You are far more important.
- You are far more than you think
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You no longer have to be walking on eggshells around someone. You don’t always have to be looking around your shoulder. You can choose to just be yourself and that you’re going to be fine. If I would have known years ago what I know now, that I can not please every single person I come in contact with, I would have been so much happier a long time ago. Looking back, I realize now that I tried to make everyone but myself happy. It hurts more than anything. Sis, please hear me when I tell you, smile, keep your chin up, and stop worrying about what others may think. You deserve the world and eventually that is what you will get!