A Letter to Myself When I'm Not Feeling Human

Hey you,

You’re at that point again in your life where nothing seems to be making sense and you’re incredibly tired of it by now. Both perspctives make sense to you-- why people decide to go out and making a living and also why people just do nothing and glide by. It seems as if there’s no point in going through all the college work that is weighing down on your skull because of the fact that you’re going to die.

You’re worried about your major, you’re far from home, and nothing seems right. Your favorite cookie is starting to taste different, books don’t seem to interest your eyes as much, and no new information seems to be processing through your brain. The will to talk to old and new friends just isn’t there as much and in fact, it just feels draining.

You aren’t feeling human.

Too many things are happening in the world and every issue makes yours feels insignificant, which in turn is making you feel insignificant. It doesn’t make sense right now if you were to stay or go. You’ve found yourself in that scene in Get Out where he sinks into the floor and everything just seems to be so distant.

Processing your own existence in this vast universe and how you can possibly have any importance when stars are exploding and black holes are forming is harder than trying to thumbtack jello to a wall.     

Here’s a note from you that is now feeling human again with some tips and reminders for when you find yourself in this slump which you most likely will again.

Wake up early and play your old tunes music that consists of Frank Sinatra and Etta James while eating a warm bowl of oatmeal. Their soothing voices along with the sweetness of the bananas in your oats will bring nutrients to your body and mind.

Don’t look at your phone or open your laptop, focus on having this morning for yourself before your day gets filled with school and work and other miscellaneous tasks.

Make the effort to call up your friend from home and catch up.

You will be tired and not want to even put your thumb on your iPhone to unlock it, but once your hear their familiar voice again it will be as if you’re starting to familiarize with yourself again. Their laughter and conversation will bring you back as you fall back into the cozy warmth of their relationship that will make you annoyed that you didn’t choose to call earlier. They’re the people that know you best, so when  you don’t even know who you are, you can rely on them to.

Go to that park bench are just sit there with a pen and paper.

If nothing comes out then so be it but that is unlikely the case. No one will be judging you for sitting there and writing, if anything that’s what they would prefer to be doing. Stop fearing writing in public for the insecure reason that someone will look over your shoulder and hate what you’re writing. You’re writing for yourself and that’s the only reason why you should write. Let the thoughts transfer to a tangible surface instead of letting them pile in your head.

Don’t think it’s dumb for listening to or watching self-help spiritual videos on YouTube.

There’s absolutely no harm in clicking on that video. Put away that thought that they’re all scams are stupid because they are there for a reason and they have hundreds of thousands of views for a reason. Put on headphones and sit in the corner if you don’t want anyone seeing it but no one will care what you’re watching as long as you aren’t hurting anyone.

Do the small tasks Mom and Dad would do.

Make sure to call them.

You’re a while away from home and if you are not starting to feel human, call the people who made you. Chat with them and just let them know you’re okay. Make the dishes Mom would and know that no matter where you are, her food will always be with you. It’s not only comforting to have, but delicious. Make Chai the way Dad does and open bananas with your teeth. Home is always where you’ll find yourself, but if you aren’t home then bring some of it back with you.

Just remember that by some chance, out of all the other sperms swimming to the egg, yours got their. There were better odds at winning the Powerball than it was for you to be born so hold onto that. Make something out of it.

 

Best wishes,

Me