I am currently going through a breakup and, naturally, I found myself doom scrolling on social media. That was until I found the perfect quote on my Instagram feed:
It might take you 6 more months, 2 more years, or even 5. Stay focused. Stay disciplined. Stay consistent. You’re going to get it done. You’re going to get where you want to be.
Breakups can be tough… emotionally and mentally. Hey, it might even hurt your heart physically. But even with all the overwhelming thoughts and emotions, there is room for self-discovery. It is such a powerful time to encourage yourself to do better and be better. Not for them, not for your friends or your family, but for you.
Allow yourself to feel.
This process is a long one but the first step is the most crucial. Don’t pretend to be okay when you’re not. Stop holding everything in as if it’s what you’re expected to do. You’re not expected to do anything. This is your experience, and it’s time to take back control. Let yourself cry, let yourself scream, let yourself go through all of the emotions. Because if you don’t, it comes back to bite you. Don’t ignore it and move on too fast, and then mourn it weeks or months down the road. We don’t want that to come back and haunt us. We want to be one and done! I suggest journaling. This allows you to write out anything you feel, hear, see, think of. You might only want to do this for a few days or you might stick with it for a few months. At the end of your healing journey, you can reflect back on it and see how much personal growth you have done. To me, that might be one of the most rewarding.
Let go.
Also very important, which many don’t like to hear, limit contact with your ex. You need this time to heal, and if you’re constantly talking to them or seeing them, how can you move on? Your brain is still recognizing them as a part of your life, so it can’t learn to live without them. It’s best to go no contact when you’re in the process of healing; not after. I know it can be painful and extremely hard to do, but time heals all. Whether the time goes slow or goes fast, the clock is still ticking. So with that, take the time right away to feel everything and know this is normal. It’s okay.
Start reconnecting with yourself.
This is one of the best times to revisit old hobbies or activities that you once loved, but lost along the way. For me, this was physical exercise. I loved going to Zumba, going on walks, and even running. I stopped doing all of those things to make time for my partner. Now that I’m single and have no obligations, I can do them again. There’s truly nothing like that “first time back” feeling. It’s euphoric. I started going to Zumba classes again and try to go for a walk around the block at least once a day. Keep in mind, certain activities will evoke different emotions. Zumba makes me forget everything going on. I’m in the moment… loud music, dancing, clapping, women empowering women. This is a perfect opportunity to distract yourself and it’s a benefit of making your body healthy! Whereas when I go on a walk, I can either listen to music to distract myself, or listen to my thoughts and think to myself. This is another great opportunity to reflect and analyze. After your walks, you can go back and journal everything. Now you’ve created a 2 in 1.
Reconnecting with yourself doesn’t always mean to revisit old interests. You can find also new ones. Take this time to say yes to everything. Meet new people, see new places, try new foods, join new clubs and groups. Explore yourself and your surroundings. I really like to live by the motto,
You don’t know what you don’t know.
It’s true, right? How do you know you don’t like something if you’ve never even tried it? You don’t!
Even though you might want to fill up your schedule and distract yourself as much as possible, be sure to prioritize self-care. Yes, we talked about exercise for your physical health, but you should hone in on your mental health, as well. Take a day to stay home and get cozy. Make yourself a homemade meal, maybe even your favorite tea or coffee. Watch your favorite show with your blanket and stuffed animal. Take your favorite skincare products and dedicate a good amount of time to use them. Do the same with your hair care products. Paint your nails or put on some fake eyelashes… whatever you do, don’t rush yourself with this. Enjoy it. You deserve it.
Stay focused and consistent.
In order to see real growth, you can, of course, look back at your journal, or just set goals for yourself. Goals allow you to get motivated and stay productive, and you get to feel like you’ve mastered something. Goals can be academic, professional, fitness-related, or all of them! Personally, I have set goals for all three categories. If I don’t have a goal set, I tend to say to myself, “What am I even doing this for?” For example, now I can say I have this goal to increase my academic abilities to build my resume, to in turn help increase the chances of acceptance for an internship. See how that’s structured? Try to talk to yourself in a positive manner. Positivity will always become a reality when it’s spoken into the universe. Along with staying consistent, make a daily routine. Try to do the same movements and activities every morning, day, and night. Of course, this occasionally changes due to events, but you should allow the base to be replicated in some form.
Another amazing thing that I have done is create a vision board. I typically do this at the beginning of every year or create a new one once I have accomplished most of the things on it. Your vision board can contain anything that you have a vision for. This should be tailored directly to you, nobody else. My biggest tip for this is to be extremely specific. For example, instead of putting a picture of a big pile of money, try to find a screenshot of a specific dollar amount labeled under ‘savings’ or ‘checking’. Think of where in the world you want to be, what you want to look like, and what you want to be doing. One goal on my vision board is to read more books this year. However, it is difficult for me to read for pleasure during the college semester due to my busy schedule. I normally get more reading done during the summer when I have less responsibilities. An example of this is, instead of putting a picture of books, I put a picture of a girl reading a book on the beach. See how specific and tailored to your life this should be? Make it personal.
Cultivate positivity.
In addition to your journal to track your daily thoughts and emotions, I suggest keeping a gratitude journal as well. This allows you to focus on positive moments only. Start fostering a mindset for appreciation. List the things you are grateful for, along with the people you are grateful for. Don’t feel like you need a million things on your paper, try to hone in and dive deeper. Explain what it is you’re grateful for, and why. The key to doing this is being consistent. The more you write and speak positively, the more benefits you will reap from it.
This also ties into daily affirmations. I write these down in my journal and then I say them out loud every morning. Daily affirmations can include anything from self-love to resilience, etc. It is the same concept but more tailored to the future instead of the present.
Lastly, surround yourself with positive people and activities. If you have a support system, use it. That’s what they are there for… to support you. Break off relationships with people who bring around negativity and focus yourself on people that are positive. Lean on friends and family who have been through similar situations and have wisdom about how to get through it. Positive people to surround yourself with are those that have common goals, interests, and morals as you. Do your best to grow those relationships as much as possible. Find the people that align with your intelligence, ambition, social battery, willingness, etc.
Always remember: you deserve more but it will only come to you if you work towards it. Time heals all and better days are around the corner. Keep doing the things that make you happy!