One of the great things about college is that you are free to get into the dating game undeterred by parents or bothersome siblings. Let’s get real though, even though we are all “adults,” no girl is immune to running into a player or six on a college campus. I’m not afraid to admit it-I’ve been played. So I’m going to turn over the lessons that I’ve learned through paragraphs of upset text messages, tears, and hours of listening to “Needed Me” by Rihanna on repeat. Here are some signs that something fishy may be going on with your new boo:
Texting Habits
I know this can be a bit of a touchy topic because we are busy, and can’t always respond the millisecond a text comes in. There is a limit though. If you are ALWAYS texting first and have to wait any longer than 3 days just for a simple “ok,” without any explanation, bad sign. You want 50/50 effort here. “Sorry, I’m a bad texter” is not an excuse ladies, and honestly doesn’t make sense. It takes 10-15 seconds max to respond to a text. You don’t have to dump him or go off on him, but file it away.
He Only Calls/Texts You At Night
If your new “bae” only hits you up at night and doesn’t make any attempts to hang out when the sun is up and more than one LX bus is running, I have some bad news for you. Those texts have “booty call” written all over them. Unless you BOTH are on the same page and agree to only engage in casual after dark activities (which is completely ok!), there is an extremely high possibility you are the only one taking this potential relationship seriously, girl.
You Are Fighting For Attention!
If he’s ALWAYS on his phone when you guys are spending time together to the point where you guys can’t just enjoy each other’s company, take note. Not only is it a red flag, but it’s also rude to do to anyone whether you’re romantically involved or not. With that said, I do urge you to be realistic. I don’t mean he’s taking the time to call back his mom, text his teammates, or answer an email from his professor. I mean his attention is constantly so far away from you he can’t even tell that you FINALLY perfected your twist out, or got those blonde highlights you’ve been thinking about. It’s a sign that your presence isn’t important…and well…it hurts.
Social Media
Here we go. In my opinion, social media is so powerful, it can make your relationship stronger, or shatter it so please exercise caution.
Liking Pics
Let me start with this, GUYS CAN HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES! Every girl is not a threat to your relationship. Liking a pic of his female friend at the beach, or a picture of a popular Instagram model is not a green light to lip-sync to “I Should’ve Cheated” on your IG story.
Lurking Previous GFs/Hookups
Seeing him scroll up and down on his ex’s Instagram every time you guys are together is not normal. Seeing his ex GF’s name pop up on his phone often is not normal. It doesn’t matter how cool they are. Following exes on social media is expected- I still follow guys I used to be involved with but staying on her page, lurking, commenting on ALL her pics all the time without missing a beat….that’s a little extra.
DM’s
Think about the DMs we get from guys- it’s unrealistic to think guys don’t get them too. We are most likely not the only ones who think our man is attractive. Regardless of the cute pics of the two of you on his profile, some girls out here are bold. He might get a “hey you’re cute!” or a “damn bae you single? (heart eyes emoji).” What I’ve learned is, DMs from other girls are NOT harmful to your relationship. The way he responds is! Anything along the lines of “thanks cutie what’s your snap?” is a RED FLAG
To close this off, I just want to provide a word to the wise. Evaluate where you guys are in terms of your relationship. Please use caution and discretion when taking my advice. If you haven’t agreed to be exclusive just yet, try and stay calm when you see another girl’s name pop up on his phone while you guys are out. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, you keep dating around too!
On the contrary, if you have solidified your relationship, and he is demonstrating these signs, that doesn’t mean block his number. Talk to him- he might not know it bothers you. If he still doesn’t fix it, well……it might be time to explore other options.
Please also be aware that there is a very thin line between being cautious and insecure. Insecurity can be just as deadly to a relationship as any of the signs I mentioned. He can have female friends, he can go out with his boys, he can like a pic of his ex GF and her corgi. Seriously, don’t become that crazy GF that no guy wants to even be around. Be alert, but trust that you’re a good judge of character before looking at what MIGHT be wrong with him. Communication and trust are key to make any relationship work! Good luck :) – R