Not many people know this about me, but this year, I went through one of the worst heartbreaks of my life. Now, you might be thinking, Maranda, I thought you were the single friend, the HBIC, a boss, and yeah, you’re not lying, I totally am; but, unfortunately, even queens get their heart broken sometimes. The worst part was that it was my best friend, and I truly thought he was the one; but, turns out, I was wrong (which doesn’t happen often). However, the most important thing that I got out of it was realizing my own self worth and finally realizing that I deserve so much better than what I was offered, even as a friend. So, I figured I would share my own experiences to try to help those who are going through any kind of heartbreak right now; after all, heartbreak can be healing.
First off, I wanna preface this by saying I don’t have all the answers. Hell, I’m a 21-year-old girl who isn’t even out of college, I’m literally in my pajamas at 3 pm writing this, but I digress. I shall share whatever wisdom I have with the world.
There’s a saying that I hold close to my heart, “You fall in love slowly, then all at once”. But, what I didn’t realize, until now, was that it works in the reverse too. Falling out of love is slow and painful, but once you realize that that person isn’t for you, my God it’s a beautiful thing. I finally realized that we had absolutely nothing in common and that if we were to be together in the ways that I wanted, it would have never, ever worked out. Which, quite honestly, probably would’ve killed me more than just being rejected, I just needed to wake up and see that for myself. This is kind of ironic, considering I spent months and months harping over this one person and not letting myself open up to other people. So, my first piece of advice is to not let your heart close itself off (aka don’t be a bitch). It’s okay to love someone and not be a complete jerk to other people. I let friendships fizzle and even let my family down… for what? Don’t be rude to those who have been and will always be there for you for something that could be temporary.
Next, I’m going to say to always have hope. I know that kind of counteracts with what I just said but trust the process. You don’t want to let down those who love you, but you can still hold onto whatever hope you have left. Heartbreak will literally try to take you down and make you that crazy, single AF cat lady everyone told you you were going to be, but don’t let it. Stop that shit at its start. Even though your unconditional love towards the other person might’ve been unrequited in so many ways back, never lose hope. You are worthy, and you will find love. Whether that person wakes up, or you find love in another, I can guarantee that you have so much to offer to someone; this person just refused to see that. Wait for that person that you don’t have to chase, wait for that one that will love you just as much as you love them. Never settle for anything less than you deserve. If someone broke you, it’s because they don’t value you or your strength; move on.
Third, some doors are simply meant to be shut. You will grow as a person. Day by day, week by week, month by month, and so on; we all do, it’s pretty much inevitable. If that person doesn’t know how to deal with you or your growth, then they aren’t for you. Period. You might wish that this “good thing” was meant to exist and that this person was meant to be in your life, but I’m going to be brutally honest here: these are doors that lead nowhere. You will always wind up upset, you will be back in the same spot next week or next month if you let that person back into your life. Let them go. Life will always go on, even when you aren’t ready for it to.
Last but certainly not least, when you’re in a relationship, or you’re in love, you tend to forget about someone who is very important- that person is yourself. You lose yourself so much and invest yourself into another human being that you don’t even realize your own needs. Self-love and self-care is vital for you and your own progress. Especially now. Heartbreak tends to make us feel worthless and as though we don’t have a purpose when we do. Our purpose is to fulfill and create a life of joy for ourselves in whatever ways we can.
All in all, heartbreak sucks, but it’s most important to take the time to reflect and grow from this event in your life. Try to think positive. You are and always will be enough.