Growing up in an athletic family, physical activity was not just a daily habit but an absolute necessity throughout my adolescent life. Even though exercise has always been an unavoidable part of my life, I truly love being active… and this was long before I even understood the magical power of endorphins (they’re freaking real, people). Something I wasn’t prepared for however, were the mental struggles that came with my sport. Standing in front of a mirror for hours on end, dressed in a leotard amongst 20 something other girls, it was inevitable for me to compare myself to everyone else.
My perception of body image influenced how I viewed myself and others from the young age of 8 years old. I started hating my round thighs, how my leotard would ride up my larger-than-everyone-else’s butt, and how my stomach had a dance of its own when I was performing.
I quickly became uncomfortable in my own skin. My body is the brush I use to paint my story through movement. But a painter who dislikes the strokes his brush cannot fully express himself; I was not happy with the brush strokes my body made. As a dancer, I became unable to perform to my fullest because I didn’t think my body was good enough in comparison to everyone else’s. I retired from my dance career, and began to search for a new outlet to expell my energy. I quickly tookup watching youtube videos by various fitness enthusiasts, and trying each method on to see if it fit just as you’d try on clothes to find the perfect outfit. These
women followed their “transformations” with pictures of how they used to look, followed by their new body while crediting it to their lifestyle “cure.” I focused the hatred I held for my body into a new outlet, where instead of embracing and improving it I tried beating it. I went to the gym for hours on end each day, worked myself into the ground, and barely reached the caloric intake necessary to keep a human alive. And, you guessed it. It still wasn’t enough.
I gave up at some point and admitted to myself that I am what I am. Yet that wasn’t self-love or acceptance for me, that was defeat. Then one day, I came across the body positive movement via Instagram’s explore page. People were FINALLY talking openly about struggles just like the ones I kept to myself all my life. People in the most positive movement get to encourage eachother, lift each other up, and FUEL each other to love their bodies. I made it my personal goal to live by the perspectives.
I discovered that to me, loving myself meant going to the gym and giving it all I’ve got. Not because I want to look like everyone else, but because I love the body I have and want to treat it well. If my body changes I accept that change.
Daily as I walk from my apartment to the gym I tell myself “I’m doing this for nobody but myself because I am capable, I am strong, and I am beautiful.”
The body positive movement is about working for sustainable health, both mentally and physically. And the best part is, EVERYONE and be a part of this movemeant: ballerinas,models, actresses, sorority sisters, models, fitness instructors. We all have a body, be proud of yours!