4 Things You Only Get if You Live in Sutton

1. Faulty Furniture

You may be anticipating the baseline standard of appliance function upon moving in to a dated, but school affiliated apartment complex, and yet the sky-high price doesn’t quite match up to the disjointed, broken and fragile structures you recieve. The other morning, just as I reached for my bathroom drawer to grab my makeup supplies, the drawer knob completely detached from the drawer itself, and I stood in awe staring at the small white ball in the palm of my hand, no way of retrieving my makeup. Thank you, Sutton.

2. Dish Dirtying Machines

It’s only reasonable for us to expect some of these untimely malfunctions considering the age of such an iconic and stately building (if you couldn’t smell the sarcasm in that sentence, I’ll clue you in to my satire here), but clean dishes are one timeless essential that shouldn’t be compromised. Did the residents here 20 years ago open a sparkling clean load only to find smuck and stains on all your mugs? I’ve become somewhat accustomed to the required back-to-back load that sometimes fully cleans my dishes. I said sometimes.

3. Creepy Crawlers

The number one survival tactic to learn before you move into Sutton, is strategic footing. Keep your toes light and your mind sharp always- this will be more difficult on drunk nights walking home. The reason being, you really do never know when you’ll stumble over a crunchy brown cockroach in the middle of the hall, or bump into one casually in the trash room. Roaches from these different regions have some very varying attitudes, so be wary- you do not want to get on the bad side of the wrong campus creepy crawler.

4. Stinky Smells 

It’s a surprise complimentary gas masks aren’t included with each room key, although I’m sure Res Life would have you pay extra for those anyway. When you make the grand leap from your respective Sutton hallway into the communal stairwell, you can never predict what scent you’ll be hit with that day. Sometimes it smells like some nice hard boiled eggs and broccoli are being stewed over a humid pile of fungus, other times flaming sulfur dioxide with a hint of old chinese food is on the menu. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is, it doesn’t matter if everyone in the building keeps their door closed. You can try your best to plug your nose on your way down, but folks on the fifth floor might be better off taking the elevator.