Usually a couple of weeks before my birthday, I come down with the yearly “birthday ick”. I’m not all bah humbug about my birthday, but the weeks leading up to my birthday always gives me a mid-life crisis panic. And I never know what to do. The constant anxiety briefly washes away right after my birthday while my new number settles in. But those weeks kinda really feels like the world is ending for me. I wake up feeling as if I am sinking into a black hole all alone and I am too deep to even get help. I feel so helpless and lost and empty. I don’t even feel alive.
But it’s what I’m used to.
What I’m NOT used to is the WORLD coming to an end on my birthday.
March 2020 will go down in history as the beginning of an end. The world will never be the same after March 2020. Suddenly, I wasn’t the only one coming to a panicof “I don’t know what the fuck to do,” the ENTIRE world was feeling it too.
It was my inner and outer worlds colliding together on March 12th, and both of them ending. My inner world usually depends on the outer world to keep it going, but when they both decided to stop on the same day-, my birthday-, I didn’t even know how I was getting to tomorrow. Two weeks turned into–“We don’t know when-”
Now that it’s almost been an entire year since the end began–We still don’t know.