This is a letter in which a girl reminisces to a guy about their complicated history of a one-sided crush, a broken heart and the hug that mended it all.
It was the Summer of 2015. We went on a road trip to a campsite with a bunch of friends, and all the while, we sang along to pop songs. I tried to sing my best to impress you – I don’t think you noticed. You were singing off-key, but I thought it was cute.
I was the first to wake up one morning. I had just taken a shower (praise God they had plumbing there), and I saw that you were getting some breakfast for everyone from your car. I had been planning a conversation with you while I was in the shower. Yes, I know, it’s embarrassing. It started out with me greeting you.
I chipperly announced my presence with a, “Hey, Liam.”
“Hey, Jasmine,” you replied with a charming smile.
“You know what song’s been stuck in my head for forever?”
“It’s a song by Carly Rae Jepson. I forgot the name, but it goes like, ‘I really, really, really, really, really, really, like you… or something like that.”
“Oh, ‘I Really Like You’?”
“Yeah, that’s it,” I smiled. Even though I knew you weren’t saying that you liked me, it was nice to hear you say those words. That conversation was my way of hinting to you that I liked you. I wasn’t sure if you got the hint, though.
Throughout the year that I had known you, I would like to think that we had become good friends. I enjoyed being in your company. You inspired me with your knack for photography and your creative eye. You struck me as an extremely caring and sensitive guy. It was hard not to fall for you. You gave me hugs when I needed them. You endured through my rants, even when they didn’t even make any sense. We had similar taste in music, and I knew how much you loved the Lord. You even joked about how you wanted a girlfriend. I thought I could be that for you. I had become that stereotypical girl who constantly daydreams of a future with an unsuspecting guy.
Flash-forward to the end of the year: I hadn’t seen you in a long time, and being friends with you wasn’t enough for me. I was selfish. For some reason, I thought that you returned the feelings I had for you. I impulsively asked you to go to a dance with me and you were taken aback. All you could say was, “I don’t know.” You messaged me the next morning saying that you got the sense that I had feelings for you and since the feeling was not mutual; you didn’t think it’d be a good idea to go to the dance together. I couldn’t be mad at you. You handled everything so well. If anything, I was mad at myself for being a fool and throwing you for a loop.
I was devastated, embarrassed, and ashamed. But I didn’t regret anything. You gave me closure. I knew that you didn’t feel the same way for me, and that was okay.
I was even more glad that you had found out the way I felt about you before you got in that accident. You could have gotten more seriously injured than you did, and you may not have ever found out how I felt about you. At least you knew.
After that, I never thought you would ever speak to me again, but you just so happened to come into my workplace one summer day in 2016. I thought I was over you, but seeing you again brought back those fluttery, all-too-familiar feelings. We exchanged tons of smiles, laughed, and thought back to the last time we had seen each other. It was just like old times.
I’ve seen you once more since then, and you hugged me for the first time since that winter day. Through that hug, you showed me that you still cared about me as a friend. I just want you to know that I respect you so much for being able to be my friend after all that I put you through. I have more respect for you than ever. You still inspire me, and you will always be my brother in Christ. I am thankful that you are still a part of my life, Liam.
Love, your friend, Jasmine.