I’ve always considered myself a feminist, which is why it’s difficult to come to terms with the fact that I harbour internalized misogyny. With lots of time to think during the past several months, I’ve started to notice some tendencies of mine that are grounded in misogyny.
It’s hard to avoid the mindset that traditionally feminine things are somehow inferior to masculine things. Girls are meant to believe that being “not like other girls” is a compliment; that we should strive to be as different as possible from the rest of our frivolous and simple-minded sex. Growing up, I took pride in my dislike of shopping and hatred of boy bands like One Direction, thinking that this in some way set me apart from “other girls”. I’ve been reminded through my daily procrastination on TikTok that The Beatles, now often cited as one of the greatest bands of all time, started out as a boy band pandering to teenage girls. At this point, I’d like to take a moment to sincerely apologize to Harry Styles for my past wrongdoings; I now see the error of my ways.
The notion of being “not like other girls” means that girls are constantly pitted against each other. Female rivalries are a driving force in many television shows and movies, with the stereotypical mean girl set against the protagonist, as if a girl can either be pretty and unintelligent or smart and kind. In the real world, I’ve seen many girls put other girls down in well-intentioned efforts to lift their friends up. There seems to be a collective idea that a girl can’t just be smart; she has to be smarter than other girls, or that she can’t just be successful; she has to be more successful than whichever girl she may feel threatened by. I’ve only recently started to comprehend the fact that other women’s successes don’t minimize mine. I still catch myself occasionally getting intimidated by another woman’s successes and finding ways to put her down in my mind before I can even stop this thought process. However, it is important to correct this thinking and realize that women can and should support each other rather than seeing each other as threats.
I realize that it may be a long road ahead to dissect all the misogynistic attitudes that underlie thoughts of mine that I’ve never questioned, but challenging these thoughts is at least a start. After getting to know the many amazing women in my life now – filled with strength, intelligence and compassion – I would be flattered to know that, to some extent, I am like “other girls”.