My sister and I do this little thing, without fail; every time we begin drinking a glass of wine and allow our weekly stockpiles of stress to temporarily dissipate. I like to call it, “a compliment war”. We build a back and forth dialogue spurring out of our tipsy bliss, firing compliments and encouragements to one another. We then proceed to tear up, hang off of each other’s embraces and shamelessly brag about one another to the helpless bystanders in the room. We love each other tremendously and we shower each other in that love, without doubt or reserve. Yet, when it comes to loving oneself and dishing out a few admirations to our reflections in the mirror, we struggle.
I was living alone in Spain this past summer and I found myself struggling through an emotional battle, uneasy with my mental state. I was lonely and homesick and completely overwhelmed. I felt lost, unsure of how I got to where I was and clueless about where to continue on from there. I have never felt more like a stranger to myself. One day, I walked past my bathroom mirror and stared at my reflection in it. As I looked into my own eyes, my stream of consciousness thought process naturally started rolling off of my tongue orally and I began speaking to my reflection, to myself. I reminded myself of all of the blessings in my life, all of the wonderful things I have experienced, of all of the loving people in my corner, of all of my plans for the next year. I didn’t think, I just spoke, and the conversation developing with myself felt refreshingly honest, supportive and motivational. I already possessed all of the guidance and support I was seeking and I also possessed the strength to pull these characteristics out of myself. This little pep talk exercise has now become a practice, a process of self-love. To disassociate from your own ego and reconnect with it once again is deeply cathartic and immensely helpful.
The power of an excellent pep talk can bring you back into a clear perspective and gift you with a fresh dose of confidence. When you receive a pep talk from someone else and you are in a position where you are willing to internalize it, it reminds you that the rest of the world sees you so differently and often so much more complimentary than you see yourself. When you give yourself a pep talk, you are often stricken with a similar awareness; a realization that you are quite out of sorts with yourself and that your mind is likely running a mile a minute and not concentrating on the present moment and your present ass-kicking. During a pep talk, certain personal revelations tend to come to light in order to be confronted. Maybe you finally accept where you currently are. Maybe you decide to make a big life change or you find the courage to utter certain words aloud that you’ve been hesitating with. With first semester wrapped up and second semester on the horizon, this small break from all of the chaos is the perfect time to get back in touch with who you were, who you’ve become, and who you’re becoming. Acknowledge, humbly, all of the mistakes you’ve made and all of the lessons you’ve learned. Then acknowledge, loudly and proudly, all of the accomplishments you’ve achieved thus far, all of the fun nights you’ve had out with friends, all of the extra-curricular activities you’ve participated in and all of the times you’ve been a great friend, child, lover, sibling, or student.
All I’m trying to say is that university, or work, or love, or simply life can get pretty heavy…give credit where credit is due. No one else is rooting for you harder than you and no one knows what you need to hear more than you. Take a breath, have a cheesy chat in the mirror and remind yourself of the things that deserve a reminder. These type of positive affirmations are undeniably valuable. Maybe you’re not quite as far as you would have hoped to be and that’s completely okay, neither am I. Who cares? We’re doing pretty damn well and we still have so much time. A self-delivered pat on the back may be a little awkward to physically maneuver, but it still feels nice. I hope you try it some time.
Happy New Year!