An Ode to Queen’s University

This is called an ode because I felt compelled to call everything an ode during my time at Queen’s as a drama major and English minor. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not great at writing poetry or songs.

As I wrap up my fourth and final year of Queen’s University from the comfort of my bedroom two hours away, I feel … nostalgic? Melancholy? This place I called home is where I met friends that I’ll cherish for the rest of my life, where I learned about my own boundaries, interests and hobbies. However, this place also inhibited me from learning a lot about myself until I moved out and reflected on the past few years.

For the first three years, all I wanted was validation. I was always the semi-awkward-but-trying-to-fit-in-with-the-cool-kids kid. I had great friends from multiple friend groups but could never really merge the friend groups together. So everything I planned had to be separate (truthfully, this didn’t really change come university). Most of what I did was for the gram, for the snap, and to look really cool, pretty, funny or otherwise desirable. I was ridden with the need to find a boyfriend to feel like I was worthy of something. I had really high highs and really low lows. I cared so much about how I portrayed myself. Surrounding myself with people who thought the same, I felt I needed to look happy and fun on social media. Looking back on my time at Queen’s, I feel some sadness knowing that I didn’t get the experience I expected I would in grade 12. But, I also know I got the experience I needed to become who I am today.

Like I said, many of my actions and thought processes revolved around my desire to attract and please boys to feel validated. That led to a lot of disappointment, what I thought at the time was heartbreak, and the feeling of being less-than-worthy for not holding anyone down. Being away from Queen’s has helped me realize that I was just ridden with compulsory heterosexuality, which is where my insecure desire to please men came from. Allowing myself to explore my sexuality and open myself up to the possibility of not being straight has been liberating.

The party culture that initially drew me in is now the aspect I hate the most about the school. If I’d realized sooner that I wanted to get more out of life than drinking every weekend, I may have had more opportunities to make wonderful friendships. (TW: rape culture). Party culture at Queen’s has endorsed and excused rape culture, and I think the reputation Queen’s has for its extreme partying has reinforced this idea that students also dismiss rape culture. During my time here, I met many people who openly admitted to being friends with a person who’s raped someone (or multiple people). Yet, they continued to be friends with them.

However, I think the institutional level of excusing rape and sexual assault trickles into the students, who believe it’s okay to excuse rapists. In the process, sexual assault victims are invalidated. The institution and student body must do better in holding rapists accountable for their actions. This isn’t the Queen’s I’m proud of.

Another aspect of Queen’s that I’m not proud of is the excuse of racist behaviour. The university made a statement regarding promises for the future in promoting education for Black history and has also made steps towards the university’s definition of reconciliation by removing MacDonald’s name from the law building. But, there’s still ways to go.

I noticed a lot of silence from fellow Queen’s students in the wake of the George Floyd protests and the surge in support for the BLM movement. However, racism against black people is not the only form of oppression that Queen’s students perpetuate. I’ve seen students throw microaggressions or blatant forms of racism against Indigenous, Jewish and Asian people. The privilege of many Queen’s students shows in the lack of accountability or education they’ve taken to better themselves and attempt to dismantle systemic racism.

I used to be really excited to tell people I go to Queen’s. Now, when people make comments about how good of a school it is, I shut them down. After taking the time to educate myself on the topics of social justice at hand and reflecting on the people I’ve encountered in the past four years, I cannot simply listen to anyone preach about how wonderful the school is. I have to give them a glimpse of the injustices perpetuated by the institution and the students.

I’m forever thankful to Queen’s for the friends, photo ops, quality education, and ability to learn more about myself through extracurriculars. I’m also thankful to the school for allowing me to realize the parts of myself I wanted to change, the parts of myself I was forcing to fit in, and for giving me the opportunity to realize I need to do better. The physical and mental change in myself from first year to now is so apparent. I feel like I’m really starting to come into myself, and I couldn’t have done it without the experiences I gained at Queen’s.

Thank you to TG, EM (x2), NS, JB, ST, ES, TC, GW, VP, JV for unconditionally supporting and loving me the last four years. Love you all the most.

• graduation
• life experiences
• personal growth
• university