Self-care seems to be a buzzword these days. Characterized by our culture, the term is popularized to mean bubble baths, yoga classes, skin care routines and ample amounts of herbal tea. While all of these things can be relaxing, self-care is much more than how it is commercialized on media platforms.
Life is fast-paced and it can be easy to get wrapped up in the hustle of daily routine. Sometimes we take on too much, spread ourselves too thin and suddenly life becomes a juggling act (isn’t it always?). Perhaps you can recall a time where you took a rain check on dinner plans with a friend, avoided going out because you may run into an ex, or changed your mind about a commitment. In making these decisions, did you feel guilty? Did you try and talk yourself out of the decision? Often, we tend to feel guilty for saying no. By nature, we feel obligated to base our decisions on social interaction – we feel we have to do the absolute most all the time and don’t want to disappoint friends or risk a severe case of FOMO (fear of missing out). Don’t get me wrong, being social and accountable is certainly important, but it shouldn’t take priority over your mental health. And sometimes it does.
You always hear people say “Check in on your friends”! but how often do we check in on ourselves? I would say that not often enough do we take the time to self-reflect. Self-care is something that refuels us. Not only is it about considering our needs, but it’s about understanding ourselves, making time to take care of ourselves. And for some reason we feel selfish for that. We are always so quick to make ourselves a resource for someone else. To offer support, grace and understanding. But we neglect to recognize our own health and wellbeing as being a priority. We don’t grant ourselves the same understanding that we do to others when we push self-care.
Believe it or not, stealing a little bit of time for yourself actually benefits both you and the people around you. When we take time for ourselves, we are giving ourselves the opportunity to reset, to reflect, and to improve our mindset. In doing this, we cultivate happiness for ourselves and the people we care most about. This allows us to frame our minds in a way that may be able to provide genuine support for others. Think of it this way – if you are constantly filling other people’s cups, your cup will eventually become empty.
It can be challenging to try and slow ourselves down. We try to convince ourselves that we don’t need ‘alone time’ – that it’s simply a waste of time and that it’s unproductive. But this is not the case. In fact, solitude can allow us to think and see more clearly. If our focus is constantly on exterior stimulation, we miss opportunities to grow as individuals.
Our culture is very much externalized – through various media, life demands, by other people. Even through relationships. In life, we are actively being pulled outside of ourselves and it can be exhausting. The value of looking inward is vastly downplayed in our culture. Life is demanding and the more we push ourselves, the more we need to replenish.
Try and understand what it means to make yourself your first priority. You are allowed to cancel a commitment, not pick up the phone or answer a text right away. You are allowed to change your mind, to want to be alone for a while, take a few days off. You should be able to make choices that reflect what is best for you and not feel like you have to constantly justify your actions. So yes, take your bubble bath and do that face mask, but also take time to listen to yourself and your body. Practice and get comfortable with doing nothing sometimes – you’ll thank yourself when you do.