Dear First Year,
I know at this point you’ve probably received a lot of advice from upper year students. They’ve probably given you tips on how to excel in your academics, reassured you that you will find your way and encouraged you to dream big, work hard and prioritize yourself. To contrast, the advice I want to give you is a little bit different. I want to try and change your perspective on what success really looks like. I’ve come to believe that the best way you can succeed is by helping those around you succeed as well. This is accomplished simply by creating an environment where students are mindful of their impact on others.
When students first come to residence, they usually view success as their ability to make friends, making good memories and being a leader in the pool of new faces where no one knows you. In other words, success means making a name for yourself and being that “cool” kid that everyone likes. The problem with this is that being “cool” is commonly associated with being rude, disrespectful and exerting privilege onto dons, staff and other first years. I’m not trying to say that students in first year are inherently mean or that you won’t find a support system in your first year. What I’m trying to say is that many of us in first year are insecure, and we try to compensate by acting “cool” to try and make friends and good memories. In reality, what ends up happening in a situation where everyone is trying to be the “cool” one, a toxic competitive environment is created. This environment is not conducive to success.
For example, as a first year:
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When you play your loud music at 2am on a Wednesday because you want to be “cool”
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When you don’t include a couple students on your floor to a floor-wide event to seem more “elite”
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When you disrespect a don to seem “tough”
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When you pressure people to take part in “party culture”
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When you criticize each other regarding the “freshman 15”
It may seem that acting “cool” will get you many friends and memories, but in reality these actions will only make first year harder for the people around you. When people only think about their individual achievements, it makes achieving “success” harder for everyone else. How can anyone focus on dealing with all the changes that come in university if we can’t rely on each other to be supportive?
As a residence don, I find it much harder to feel good about myself and to be confident in both my job and my academics when the people I interact with are constantly trying to belittle me. Working in residence, we are mostly known as the “dons in the red vest” that are there to discipline people and shut down the party. What this means in practice is that we are commonly disrespected. Students can often be condescending, confrontational, talk down to us and antagonize us in an attempt to assert their importance in this new and unknown social hierarchy known as university. Of course by now, I have been able to compartmentalize the disrespectful and unpleasant interactions I sometimes have with students. However, a first year is less likely to have this insight. They are more likely to be negatively affected by this unhealthy mentality of getting ahead.
So, I ask that when you think about succeeding, you try to think of others too. Yes, you should dream big, work hard, give yourself a break and love yourself. But you should be doing the same for others. Give them a break, be kind to them, and put yourself in their shoes. Believe me, I have interacted with both kind and rude students and it makes a world of a difference for both of us when we both think of how our actions will affect each other. Success is not getting ahead, success is being able to thrive and be happy while allowing others to do the same.
It’s true that as the year goes on, all students start to find their place and become more confident in themselves and rely less on putting others down. However, I think we can skip these unpleasant behaviours and help each other succeed now. So, my “upper-year insight” is that you don’t have to wait. Let’s be kind, humane and mindful towards others from day one. Then we can all succeed, and I promise you, you will still make those amazing friends and memories you seek.