Photo by Willow David
Virginity was never of big consequence to me. Sure, being protected and being ready were definitely important factors, but my main condition was to do it with someone I loved. I didn’t particularly have interest in losing my virginity to someone I just met. I also didn’t want to lose it for the sake of losing it.
But once I lost it, sex was definitely not as scary anymore—nor did it matter that much who I was doing it with.
Movies like American Pie, Super Bad and The To-Do List teach us that going to college as a virgin is an absolute no-no, or in the words of Damien from Mean Girls, going to college with your v-card is “social suicide.”
Reality check: it’s not.
It is perfectly normal and okay and acceptable if you’re still a virgin in college.
The fact is, though, that while you’re still a virgin, not many around you will be.
You just have to own it, and I’ll teach you how.
#1: When it comes up in conversations, and trust me, it will, just be confident
Sex, much like alcohol, is how friendships or bonding occurs—especially in university. I can remember dozens of times during my first year talking about how many “kills” (people we slept with) we had. The boys bragged a lot more about their numbers, and they were certainly higher than mine and my roommate’s (at the time, we were all well under five), but we owned the number regardless. But there were several girls on my floor who were virgins and they didn’t feel embarrassed about it whatsoever. It was their business and no one else had the right to pass judgments—and thankfully, no one did. Just keep your head up in social situations and don’t ever be embarrassed.
#2: Get yourself prepared
University isn’t like high school. Sex could happen with anyone at any given time. Whether it’s at a party or in the middle of the night with your neighbor or a floormate, you want to be prepared. Get yourself a box of condoms, and get in the habit of bringing one with you when you go out. I’m not saying to bring some to your Thursday lecture or to Starbucks, but bring one out to a Friday night kegger or a Saturday night semi-formal. If you aren’t on birth control, consider changing that. It’s way more effective than just using a condom, and it has its own benefits like clearing up acne or lightening period cycles. Talk to your doctor about it. If you are taking birth control, make sure you are taking it consistently. If you make it a habit now, it won’t be so difficult once you become sexually active. Try setting an alarm on your phone every night to help you remember.
#3: Get educated
It’s pretty obvious we are not learning nearly enough in grade nine gym class about sex. So it’s up to you to teach yourself. Whether you want to research it yourselves (which I highly recommend) or talking to a friend, do whatever it is you have to do to feel more comfortable. I have found the Internet to be a good ally when it comes to improving my sex life, learning new positions, or answering weird questions. My girlfriends, though, they’ve taught me everything I know (well, so did having sex). I remember nights in the dorm room with my roomies staying up late, gabbing about sex, orgasms, blowjobs, masturbating, and of course the guys we had slept with, and the ones we were sleeping with now. Your girlfriends will be your lifesaver when sex becomes a part of your life!
There you have it. Tips and advice on how to navigate university as a virgin. Good luck and keep your head held high!