In lieu of the recent #BellLetsTalk day this year in 2016, I got to thinking about some of the time mental health problems took over my life and how much I have improved since then. This is in appreciation of mental health awareness. Last year, I went through one of the hardest bouts of depression I had ever experienced. Everything seemed topsy-turvy, with no direction and I felt hopeless.This year, things took an 180-degree turn. I’ve decided to write an open letter to myself and to show others going through the same thing I did, to express that things will get better.
As a survivor of the “black dog”, I hope those of you still suffering would be able to relate to my story and see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you don’t seem to be close to that light anytime soon.
Keep your head up. And without further ado…
Dear Me,
Hey darling, please look up. Stop putting yourself down (even if you say it’s a joke, I know you’re not actually joking) and start living for you.
Don’t stress, eat those donuts and then debate throwing up because you feel so fat. Sometimes we all need to eat and that’s ok. There’s nothing a little cardio won’t fix. I know how much you love running! The freshman 15 hasn’t got anything on you! You will lose that weight and you will become confident again, I am sure of it. Do you know that you will get abs for the first time this summer? Well, look forward to it because that will happen. Your drive and mental strength will get you the healthy body you want but don’t seem to have the will to work for. You will do it. Your confidence will grow.
Don’t worry about not having many friends. Don’t worry about boys. Don’t worry about whether or not your family truly loves you. The right people will find you. Your relationships with everyone around you will strengthen so much that you won’t even believe it when I tell you that you will be happy with your relationships with others for the first time in your life come next year. Right now, please, focus on yourself and how you can become a happy, healthy, positive-minded individual. Know that nothing can stop you. You are so strong. No boy, no parent, no sibling, and no friend – no person can stop you from happiness. At the end of the day, you will only have yourself so please, please, please, stop crying yourself to sleep over the parties you weren’t invited to or the boy that broke your heart. Don’t feel like a disappointment to your family because honey, they will always love you no matter what they say.
School is just one aspect of your life. Don’t let your grades define your sense of self-worth. You will learn how to study and you will improve. Hey, you’ll even rock organic chemistry ;). Just study attentively and put your focus on doing better, not doing the best. Make attainable goals so you’re not constantly disappointed when you get a grade that you don’t like. Know that there’s always time to learn and improve and that your future does not have to be decided yet. You have time, even if it doesn’t feel like you do.
Finally, remember to smile. You’re the prettiest when you exude true happiness. Know and understand that life is precious and that you are so lucky to be where you are. Remember to breathe.
You are an amazing, strong, and beautiful person.
XOXO,
A Happier, Loving, and Confident You
P.S. There will be times where you will worry whether or not your depression will come back and that’s ok. What matters is that you will grow and learn from your struggles and will get opportunities you never thought you could have because of that personal growth. You will shine brighter than any star. I know it because I’m living it.