Giving up on people is hard. Looking at a person you used to know and realizing that they aren’t there anymore is even harder. You remember that at some point you have all the memories you’ve shared, but the time lapse between then and now feels so long that it’s hard to get back to. You’ll always remember a version of the person they once were – their favourite colour and their biggest secret will forever be ingrained into the back of your mind and will sometimes give you a reminder that it’s there. Whether it’s when you see something and think of them, or when you hear a song and remember how loud they sang it. They’ll always be there, like a shadow, even in the dark. Small talk will feel like an elephant in the room because although the person has changed, the memories of them haven’t.
Losing people is a sad, yet inevitable, part of life. I’m not referring to the grief of a loved one passing on, but rather a different type of loss; when you and someone that was once in your life no longer share the same connection you once did. Maybe one day you wake up and realize that you and this person haven’t heard from each other in months, or maybe you sit back and truly analyze how this person made you feel. Maybe you had a huge falling out and you know it will never be the same. Either way, you realize that things are different now.
A quote by Louise Penny states: “Life is change. If you aren’t growing and evolving, you’re standing still, and the rest of the world is surging ahead.” We are continually going through changes in our lives. We experience things, we find our interests, and at one point or another we realize that certain things that once served a purpose in our lives do not have the same effect anymore, and that’s okay. Outgrowing situations and people means that you are developing as a human being and learning more about yourself – you are progressing and transcending, and that’s all we can really hope for.
It’s normal to feel upset about the ending of a friendship that once meant something to you. This person was likely someone you confided in and shared your life with. Some people, though, are only meant to be in a certain chapter of your life. Of course, you can reminisce the endless pages of memories and laughs. Find comfort in the fact that these pages will never change, and that you can keep them with you forever.
Remembering all of this will seem hard in the beginning, but accepting that things have changed will relieve uneasy feelings. Knowing that someone changed you as a person is something that you can always hold on to, but letting go of anything after that is important. You will always have the same roots and you can always appreciate where you came from. Along your journey of finding out who you are, there will be people who play an integral part in shaping your experiences: befriending you, loving you, trusting you, hurting you. These are all things that will remain in the shadow of who you have been and will determine who you become. After accepting this, you can walk away with an appreciation of this person, be happy with the memories they’ve given you, and move on.